My ten-year-old daughter, Mia, has a distinct style that she proudly embraces. She prefers clothing from the boys’ section, favoring loose, boxy t-shirts adorned with superheroes like Spiderman. Her hair is always styled in two braids, even when she sleeps. Thick, golden, and beautiful, her hair is a sight to behold. With wide-set blue eyes, high cheekbones, and long, slender limbs reminiscent of a young colt, I see her beauty; however, she remains indifferent to it. Mia is not interested in meeting conventional standards of beauty.
Last year, I insisted she let her braids down for her class photo. It turned into a major standoff, and I resorted to some questionable tactics. I told her that I feared her braids were a security blanket (which I genuinely did) and that I wanted her to feel comfortable embracing every hairstyle. I even offered to bribe her with a lightsaber from her favorite movie series, something that could easily have funded our grocery bill for a month.
Deep down, my true motive was to ensure she looked pretty for her school pictures, her hair cascading around her face so I could proudly share the photographs with family and friends. On picture day, Mia still opted for ponytails, only taking her hair down briefly for the photo. The entire fourth-grade class erupted in excitement, complimenting her beauty. After the picture was taken, a classmate lovingly braided her hair once again.
When I received Mia’s school picture a month later, I felt a sense of accomplishment. She looked undeniably pretty, but she also appeared different, almost unrecognizable as my daughter.
I’ve decided to let go of my desire for Mia to fit my ideals of beauty. She doesn’t need to concern herself with being beautiful. However, I will stand firm on one condition: she must wash her hair at least once a week! Beyond that, Mia will not define herself by her appearance as I once did and still sometimes do.
What truly defines her now are her passions: crafting intricate weapons from paper, learning to sketch manga characters through online tutorials, engaging in epic Dungeons and Dragons sessions with her dad, diving into The Hunger Games with me, playing piano, and even taking up judo. Her interests are as diverse as they are vibrant, and they reflect a life lived fully.
Children like Mia teach us so much about what really matters in life.
This article was originally published on May 12, 2014.
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Summary:
In this piece, I reflect on my journey of letting go of the pressure to make my daughter conform to societal beauty standards. Embracing her individuality, passions, and interests is far more important than appearances. Children, like my daughter Mia, remind us what truly matters in life.