Recently, my 9-year-old son had a playdate with two friends after school. The three of them retreated to our living room, engrossed in video games, tossing a ball around, snacking, and generally being their playful selves. Once they left, I entered the room and was taken aback by the chaos. The air was thick with the scent of old snacks and unwashed clothes. Couch cushions were strewn about, pillows were on the floor, a cup of water was overturned, and snack wrappers covered every inch of the carpet.
“Hey, you!” I called out to my son. “You can’t just leave the room like this!”
He looked up, “But I’m tiiiiired.”
“Tired from playing video games for two hours?” I replied.
“Yes?” he said, giving me that charming smile that usually melts my resolve.
I understood he was tired. School days are long, and I value the joy he gets from spending time with his friends, even if it’s mostly video games. But I realized I had been making endless excuses for him. At 9 years old, it’s time for him to understand responsibility, especially for the messes he creates.
While he does have chores, he often needs to be reminded multiple times to do them. Sometimes, I end up cleaning up after him because it’s easier and faster. I know this isn’t a good habit, and I often find myself questioning whether I would be more insistent if I had daughters instead of sons. Am I unconsciously giving my boys a pass when it comes to helping around the house? I believe in equal responsibility, yet I wonder if societal expectations have influenced my approach.
That stops now. I refuse to continue making excuses or picking up their messes. Sure, it might be simpler to just handle things myself, especially when we’re running late for school. But I need to be consistent because this is about more than just today; it’s about how my boys will grow into men who help their partners without being asked.
I want them to grow up understanding that a household is a shared space, and they must contribute. This is crucial not just for their future relationships but also for their perception of women. They need to see me—and women in general—as strong individuals who ask for what they need and do not submit to pressure.
When I confronted my son about the mess, I decided to be straightforward. Rather than making empty threats about screen time, I explained that this was about more than just a tidy room; it was about becoming a responsible man.
“Man up,” I said playfully, giving him a light punch on the shoulder. Surprisingly, he responded well and cleaned up the mess without argument. When I found an empty chip bag hidden behind the TV, I didn’t just toss it out; I made him pick it up. Afterward, I couldn’t resist showering him with affection for being such a good boy.
I am determined to instill a sense of responsibility in my boys. It’s not enough for them to understand they should help; they need to practice doing so without being asked and view themselves as equal members of our household. This is vital not only for their development but also for their future partners, and of course, for maintaining a somewhat orderly home.
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In summary, it’s essential to hold our children accountable to foster responsibility and equality in the home. By doing so, we prepare them for their future roles as partners and as contributors to a harmonious living environment.