As my children have grown, I’ve found myself reflecting on the methods I used when they were younger. In those early parenting days, I often resorted to small bribes—like offering a lollipop for good behavior at the bank or promising a cookie after a successful grocery trip. These tactics were employed without hesitation, and I had no qualms about using them.
However, as they matured, I noticed a troubling trend among other parents: the practice of incentivizing academic performance with cash rewards or treats. Whether it’s a dollar for every A on a report card or promises of ice cream for sports achievements, I’ve decided to draw a line. I will not pay my children for good grades or athletic accomplishments, and here’s why.
Research indicates that while financial rewards may yield short-term improvements, they often fail to create lasting motivation. Studies have shown that offering incentives can actually diminish a child’s enthusiasm for learning. Instead of fostering a love for knowledge, it promotes a transactional mindset. Intrinsic motivation—where personal satisfaction drives effort—becomes overshadowed by the lure of external rewards.
Such incentives can also instill a sense of entitlement. My children receive enough privileges simply for being the wonderful individuals they are. As parenting expert Rachel Johnson writes, “Rewarding children for academic success sends the message that the ultimate goal is financial gain rather than intellectual growth.” This expectation places undue pressure on parents to continuously provide motivation.
I believe in recognizing effort rather than solely focusing on results. Each child has a unique journey; one may excel academically with ease, while another might struggle. Does that mean we should only celebrate the high achiever? My son, for instance, is a dedicated player on his team—not a star athlete, but his determination deserves acknowledgment. Shouldn’t his efforts be valued with a simple treat now and then?
While I’m supportive of celebrating achievements, I prefer to recognize acts of kindness and character development over grades or sports statistics. Recently, another parent shared a touching story about my son’s kindness toward her child. That moment filled me with a pride that no report card or game-winning hit could replicate. When I told him he was a good friend, the joy on his face showed me that this kind of affirmation is invaluable—beyond any reward we could offer.
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In summary, I choose not to reward my children for grades or sports performance. Instead, I aim to cultivate a sense of intrinsic motivation and celebrate personal growth and kindness—elements that truly matter in their development.