“Would you like to go on a special outing, just the two of us?”
This is a question I used to ask my son frequently, but it’s been a while since our last adventure together. With the arrival of our baby, now nearly seven months old, those cherished moments have become few and far between.
My oldest child, a spirited 4-year-old named Leo, is the eldest of three. He has a 2-year-old sister, Mia, and a baby brother, Noah. Leo is incredibly bright, compassionate, and always eager to lend a hand. However, he also experiences intense emotions and can be quick to anger. His love for his family runs deep, and he feels everything more acutely than most children.
When Mia was born two and a half years ago, Leo transitioned from being the sole focus of our attention to sharing the limelight. To help him adjust, we began having our “dates,” where we would escape the house together, hand in hand, enjoying each other’s company—whether it was a trip to the park or simply a stroll around the neighborhood.
As time went on and Noah joined our family, Leo took on the role of the protective big brother. He has embraced his siblings wholeheartedly, and I know he wouldn’t trade them for anything, even if it meant regaining the title of “only child.” Yet, I can’t help but feel that he has been sidelined—often vying for my attention amidst the chaos of our growing family.
Just yesterday, during our Thanksgiving celebration, Leo was expressing his frustration, claiming that his dad wasn’t giving him enough attention, even though they had spent the entire day playing together. I strive to acknowledge his needs and validate his feelings, but I often feel overwhelmed, especially when all three children are awake and demanding my attention simultaneously.
This morning, I decided to ask him his favorite question again: “Hey, Leo, would you like to go on a date, just the two of us?” The sparkle in his eyes was unmistakable; he lit up with excitement. He even requested to be carried, and as I lifted my big boy into my arms, I was struck by how much he had grown.
We chose IHOP for our outing—a treat for both of us. As we settled into the booth, he snuggled close and grabbed a crayon to work on his activity placemat. While watching him concentrate on a maze, I noticed a scratch on his cheek for the first time. I scanned his face, taking in the details I had overlooked, such as the freckles that traced from his nose to the edges of his hair. Where had my little baby gone? As he leaned against me, he whispered, “I love you,” and in that moment, I realized I hadn’t once scolded him or given him “the look” that usually communicates disapproval. He was simply perfect.
How did I become so disconnected from my own child? After our meal, Leo took the check, asking for money to pay for our date. When he stood up, I noticed he was now taller than my belly button. I watched him interact with the cashier, and then he asked to be carried one last time.
As soon as we reached the car, tears streamed down my face. I took a deep breath and hugged Leo tightly. When he asked why I was crying, I explained that I understood how challenging it was for both of us to manage the demands of his siblings. I promised him we would make more time for our outings, even if it was just a drive with music. He smiled and said he would love that.
This is why I prioritize one-on-one time with my son. It nourishes our bond and reminds me of the importance of connection amid the bustling family life we navigate.
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In summary, carving out time for my eldest child is essential for nurturing our relationship and ensuring he feels valued and heard amidst the demands of family life.