I decided to buy my 2-year-old son a tiara for the same reason I got him that Batman shirt he adored at the store. It’s why I also picked up the Sofia doll that his friend Mia owns. Just like how I’ve been hunting down superheroes on eBay for him, ensuring he builds a complete collection (don’t worry, buddy, Captain Marvel and Green Lantern will be landing soon).
I chose the tiara because he displayed a real enthusiasm for it, and at this age, it’s crucial to foster his natural curiosity. He is at a stage where he can engage in imaginative play without hesitation—where he can dive into experiences with wide, sparkling eyes.
The day I bought him the tiara coincided with a trip to buy new shoes. While chasing him through the aisles, urging him to try on a pair of sneakers, the pink tiara gleaming on the shelf caught his attention. He exclaimed how much he loved it because it was pink, “spawkly,” and “bootiful.” I handed it to him, and at last, he sat still enough for me to check the sneaker fit. They fit perfectly (thank goodness), and he soon dashed off again, leading us to the checkout where we bought both the sneakers and the tiara.
I feel fortunate to live in an open-minded community, surrounded by friends and family who don’t bat an eye at a little boy wearing a tiara, owning a few princess figures, or declaring pink and purple as his favorite shades. I cherish that he could walk through the mall proudly wearing the tiara, even if it eventually ended up on his grilled cheese sandwich.
However, should anyone at the mall or elsewhere have made a disparaging remark about his choice, I would have firmly expressed my disapproval. (I’m not typically confrontational, but in such a case, I would have unleashed my most forceful words.)
I am weary of the rigid gender norms imposed on children from such a young age. It frustrates me that I felt even slightly defensive as he paraded around in the tiara, just as I did when he showed interest in a pair of high-heeled shoes at the store.
In this moment, he is a blank canvas regarding gender identity, and I want his perceptions of beauty and joy to stem from his own spirit, not from societal expectations of what boys and girls should like. I know that in a few years, as he interacts more with peers, the notion of gendered toys and clothing will become unavoidable, and he might feel the pressure to conform.
I don’t know what path he will choose in the future. I will absolutely support him if he decides to embrace more traditional interests. I understand the wish to fit in, and many children ultimately find comfort in their assigned gender roles. Indeed, if he’s like most kids, there may come a time when he loses interest in princesses and tiaras.
But if he continues to love pink, frilly, and sparkly things despite any peer pressure to conform, I will stand by him wholeheartedly. And should anyone criticize him for being true to himself, my protective instincts will kick in—you better be prepared.
This article was originally published on Sep. 21, 2015.
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In summary, I believe in allowing my son the freedom to explore his interests without being confined by gender stereotypes. Supporting his choices now can help shape a more open-minded future for both him and those around him.