For four days each week, I serve as the publisher of a digital media company. This role is one I cherish in an industry that has long captivated me. However, Fridays are a different story; they’re reserved for my 18-month-old son. On these days, we attend music classes, stroll through parks, enjoy naps together, and embark on city adventures. I eagerly anticipate our time together, cherishing the fleeting moments and the simple joys of watching him grow.
Yet, beneath this joy, lies a more complex reality.
When my son was just three months old, I opted for a 20% reduction in pay to transition to a four-day workweek. By doing this, I willingly accepted what experts term the Motherhood Penalty—the disadvantages women face in the workplace after having children. While no working mother needs studies to validate her experiences, research is abundant for those who doubt the existence of this penalty. According to the New York Times, mothers earn less than their male counterparts with equivalent qualifications and are frequently passed over for job opportunities. Furthermore, a mother is often perceived as less competent than a father with similar qualifications. Surprisingly, men with children tend to receive workplace rewards.
Many of the challenges working mothers encounter, including the delicate timing of disclosing a pregnancy to employers, place women in a precarious position. I grappled with the idea of discussing my changes at work for weeks, even though my husband, employed full-time in a related field, fully supported my decision. My thoughts were a whirlwind of internal debates, weighing the benefits of spending more time with my son against the costs of reduced work hours. When I finally proposed my new schedule, my employer was understanding and supportive, allowing me the flexibility I desired.
You’d think this would bring me peace, but instead, it led to disbelief. Had I truly worked so hard to advance my career just to take a step back? Was I signaling to myself and others that I’d peaked in my ambitions? Who voluntarily chooses a pay cut?
Earlier in my career, I faced years of financial struggle, wondering if I’d be able to afford rent, living paycheck to paycheck. Now that I had finally established myself, why would I diminish my progress? This mixture of doubt and guilt is familiar to many working mothers; it’s part of the package. As Claire Caine Miller pointed out in the New York Times, “One of the worst career moves a woman can make is to have children.” I recognize that my choice to accept a pay cut for more time with my child is a privilege. Many mothers don’t have the luxury to dictate their work arrangements; they long for flexible schedules but find them out of reach.
The situation worsens for mothers working nontraditional hours. Some women, lacking paid maternity leave, are even resorting to crowdfunding platforms to supplement their lost income, as reported by the Washington Post. With 57% of Americans unable to cover an unexpected $500 expense, the struggle is real.
The conversation surrounding women and work extends beyond policies; it encompasses perceptions. Even when supportive policies exist for working mothers, stigma persists, often rooted in the belief that mothers are somehow exploiting the system. For instance, Wyoming state representative Gerald Gay recently commented that “Women are always going to take their full maternity leave, and there’s the dependability issue about whether they’re going to show up for things.” Leave policies can create a minefield for both women and men, leaving them uncertain about potential penalties or stigmas for utilizing their benefits. I’ll admit, there was a time when I felt resentment toward women who left the office early to be with their kids while I toiled late.
Now, I understand better. Work doesn’t pause for mothers rushing home to pick up their children from daycare. Most mothers face the challenge of completing more work in less time or logging back in after their kids are asleep—sometimes both. It’s hardly a win-win scenario. Some companies attempt to support working mothers, but even well-meaning initiatives can backfire.
For example, when Amazon experimented with a 30-hour workweek for select employees, Leslie Jane Seymour raised a critical point: if only women enroll, will it become a “mommy track” or “slacker track,” perceived as for those deemed “less capable?”
I recall the “Mommy Wars” igniting during the 2012 presidential election when an Obama surrogate criticized Ann Romney for never having held a job. Even before becoming a mother, I followed the ensuing debate, recognizing that it missed a crucial aspect. It’s not about whether working is harder than staying home—both are challenging and respectable. The core issue is the lack of options available to working mothers. Many women would love to be stay-at-home moms but cannot afford it. Conversely, some wish to pursue fulfilling careers but face barriers due to childcare accessibility.
Here we are, years later, and progress remains slow. The current administration has proposed a parental leave and childcare plan that, while influenced by Ivanka Trump, still falls short, offering only six weeks of leave, which leaves the U.S. behind 96% of other nations.
Culturally, working mothers face additional challenges. Society often perceives them as a homogeneous group, assuming all women share the same aspirations. This phenomenon, often referred to as the Lean In effect, suggests that any woman serious about her career must desire higher pay and promotions. The reality is more nuanced; some women seek these opportunities, while others prioritize flexibility over climbing the corporate ladder. According to a Families and Work Institute survey, only 37% of working women desire jobs with increased responsibilities. Moreover, preferences can shift over time based on various factors, including the age of children or job conditions.
As I reflect on my first year of this new arrangement, I’m incredibly grateful for the quality time I get with my son—something that many working mothers struggle to secure. While I recognize that my choice may impact my long-term earnings and signal a lack of ambition, I view it as a gift. The flexibility to maintain my career while nurturing my relationship with my son is invaluable.
In summary, the journey of balancing motherhood and work is fraught with challenges, contradictions, and societal pressures. The Motherhood Penalty is a reality that many women face, and while my situation is a privilege, the broader discussion highlights the need for better support and understanding for all working mothers.