When my children’s report cards arrive, my first instinct isn’t to obsess over the letter grades. Instead, I immediately dive into the teacher’s comments about my kids. That’s where the real insights lie—the anecdotes about their social skills, classroom behavior, and engagement with the material.
It’s not that I don’t care about grades; I do. However, I believe that the intense focus on achieving straight A’s places unrealistic expectations on children. Not every kid shines in every subject. Each of us has our unique strengths and weaknesses, and not everyone is destined to be an honor roll student—I’ve come to accept that.
I, myself, was an honor roll student and boasted a string of A’s on my report cards. I even made it into the National Honor Society. Yet, chemistry was a different story. I distinctly remember the agony of staring at the periodic table, wishing I could just escape to my art projects instead. Despite my best efforts, I ended up with my first C.
This doesn’t mean I condone my kids getting lackluster grades. I simply believe that grades don’t paint the full picture of a child’s learning journey. What truly matters to me is the effort they put in and whether they enjoy the subjects. If my child loathes chemistry or struggles with a topic, then a C might be understandable.
For example, I had a passion for writing in high school, but I recognize that at least one of my kids may not share that enthusiasm. My expectation is that they put forth their best effort, regardless of whether they love the subject. But I know that “best” doesn’t always equate to an A.
While the idea of my kids achieving straight A’s is appealing, I refuse to punish them or feel disappointed based solely on a grade. If they didn’t try their hardest, however, that’s where my disappointment lies. I had to work to pass chemistry, and I did. The effort is what counts.
Each of my three children is unique in their interests and dislikes, and it’s fascinating to watch them develop. My eldest excels in math and science and enjoys reading and writing. Who knows? She might be one of those students who can achieve straight A’s, but I won’t pressure her to do so.
A while back, she received a low grade in math, which was surprising given her usual proficiency. She confessed to not putting in the effort and getting distracted during lessons. For me, it wasn’t the C that mattered but rather her lack of effort. She acknowledged this and improved her grade to a B on the next report card. We celebrated her hard work rather than the letter.
Then there’s my middle child, who consistently earns good grades but doesn’t enjoy school. He often resists going, which is puzzling given his capabilities.
I believe we need to ease the pressure on kids to achieve only A’s and B’s and instead focus on the importance of trying and learning. I don’t care if my child scores an A in history if she won’t remember who signed the Declaration of Independence a year later. And if my son dislikes reading, that’s okay too.
I’ll teach him that sometimes reading is necessary, just like many tasks in adult life. As long as he makes a genuine effort, that’s what matters.
We often forget that children are individuals with preferences and aversions. It’s unrealistic to expect them to excel at everything. Even I have areas where I struggle—numbers, for instance.
Moreover, many successful individuals don’t graduate at the top of their class; some attend community colleges and still find their paths. Education is important, but I want my children to explore the world and ultimately pursue what makes them happy.
So, why do we impose the unrealistic standard of straight A’s on our kids? Some will achieve it, and that’s commendable, but not everyone will, and that’s perfectly fine. I just want my kids to understand that genuine effort is a crucial part of both school and life—and, yes, it’s acceptable to dislike chemistry too.