As a single mother, there’s one phrase that really grinds my gears: “I don’t know how you manage it.” I understand that people often mean well when they say this, but it doesn’t provide the comfort they think it does. In fact, it can come off as condescending. It suggests that they believe they couldn’t handle the responsibilities I face, but in reality, most individuals would surprise themselves with their capabilities when circumstances demand it.
I recognize the strength of single moms everywhere, but let me share a little secret: I’m often just as baffled by how I juggle everything. Becoming a single parent was never in my plans. Life had other ideas, and here I am, navigating this unexpected journey. While motherhood feels instinctual, single motherhood certainly does not. Many of my fellow single moms share this sentiment; we didn’t choose this path, and often, we’re just figuring it out as we go.
I’m fortunate to have a solid support network, including my child’s father, but the majority of the caregiving responsibilities rest on my shoulders. Each single mom has her own approach to parenting, but for me, accepting my situation has been transformative. That acceptance brings me some grace during those times I feel like I’m failing on all fronts—something that occurs more frequently than I’d like to admit. Motherhood is challenging, and doing it alone amplifies that difficulty exponentially.
The Mental Load of Single Motherhood
Single mothers operate on an entirely different mental wavelength. We not only aim to accomplish our daily tasks, but we also bear the weight of the expectation to do everything perfectly. My mind is a constant whirlwind of to-do items, often accompanied by a sense of dread. The pressure to present myself as composed is very real.
There are days when I wonder if I’ll ever get through my to-do list. And you know what? Sometimes things just don’t get done on time. That laundry pile? Yeah, it might just stay there for a while longer. Dinner plans? Sometimes it’s takeout because I completely forgot to prep something.
How I Manage
So, how do I manage? Well, let’s just say sleep is a luxury I don’t always get. As a single mom, I’ve learned to squeeze in tasks whenever I can. My quiet hours come at night after my child is asleep; that’s when I finally get to unwind. It’s my favorite time of day, even if it means I’ll regret it in the morning. Personal time is a rarity for me, so I grab it whenever I can.
But late nights aren’t just about relaxation. They’re also when I catch up on work. Balancing a home-based job with a school-aged child isn’t easy. I often find myself typing away late into the night, knowing that I might face consequences in the morning. Does future me grumble about the late-night choices? Absolutely! But that doesn’t stop me. Thank goodness for caffeine, right?
A Different Perspective
When I hear someone say, “I don’t know how you manage it,” I honestly want to chuckle. Do I even have a choice? If I don’t step up, who will? There’s no room for failure in my life; my child depends on me to provide everything he needs. He’s my driving force, especially on the tough days.
Most of the time, I lose track of the days. I’m simply going through the motions, moving from one task to the next. It might not be ideal, but for many single moms, this is our reality. We’re just putting one foot in front of the other, doing what we must, day in and day out. As monotonous as it can feel, I sometimes find comfort in that routine. At least I can count on certain things in an otherwise chaotic world: the laundry will always be piled high, the dishes will likely fill the sink, and I’ll probably stay up too late, groaning about it the next day.
For us single moms, there’s no option of stepping back from our responsibilities. We have to dig in and do whatever it takes. If I were to sit down and reflect on everything I handle alone, I might just break down. I wish things could be a bit easier sometimes—and I know they will be one day—but that day seems so far away.
Final Thoughts
So the next time you feel compelled to tell a single mom, “I don’t know how you manage it,” take a moment to reconsider. You might believe you’re offering encouragement, but for many of us, it serves as a reminder of just how tough our lives are. Truth be told, I don’t know how I manage either—but it’s not really a choice for me.
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Summary
Being a single mom is a challenging and often unexpected journey. While it may seem admirable to outsiders, those of us in the role often feel like we’re just getting by, managing responsibilities without a choice. It’s essential to recognize that while we may appear composed, we’re simply doing what’s necessary for our children, often at the cost of our own well-being. A little understanding can go a long way.