As a mother, I find myself with countless snapshots of my children. I’ve embraced the role of family photographer, prioritizing camera quality over any other feature when choosing my phone. My phone camera is indispensable for capturing quick moments of my kids’ playful antics. It has also been my lifeline for documenting my pregnancies and those early days of motherhood, especially with my family living over 800 miles away. It’s been a great help during my husband’s lengthy work trips too.
However, while scrolling through the thousands of images I’ve taken, I stumbled upon a disheartening realization: despite having nearly a thousand pictures of my kids, my partner, and even our dog, there are few photos that include me.
This lack of representation in family photos seems to be a common issue among mothers. We capture precious memories for our families, yet we often forget to include ourselves in those moments. I want to call out to everyone who plays a role in my life: we deserve to be part of those memories too.
Years ago, as an eager first-time mom snapping away at my son and husband, I assumed we would share the responsibility of photography. That assumption turned out to be misguided. I don’t believe my husband set out to exclude me, but it reflects a broader issue: the tendency for women to be overlooked in various aspects of family life.
Every day, mothers are the unsung heroes, making thoughtful decisions to boost family morale. We suggest family dinners, push for professional photos, and constantly consider the emotional and physical well-being of everyone around us. Yet, in our efficiency, we often go unnoticed and unappreciated.
Realizing that I couldn’t rely on my husband to think of capturing me with the kids, I took the initiative to speak up and hand him the camera. Initially, it felt strange to ask him to take pictures of me; it seemed forward and changed the spontaneity of our family photos. But as I’ve accumulated more images with my children, the effort has proven worthwhile.
Seeing myself in family photos serves as a reminder that my needs are just as important as those of my family. It has also shown me that there’s nothing wrong with expressing my desires to loved ones. In fact, failing to speak up can be a disservice to ourselves. We mothers should not feel neglected or invisible.
Moreover, I want my children to have memories of me should anything happen. I have very few pictures of my own mother, particularly from her younger years, and I deeply regret that lack of documentation. Having a visual timeline helps remind us that we’re more than just “mom.” We are multifaceted individuals with rich lives outside our family roles.
Now, I can look back at my journey as a mother over the past few years through these captured moments. They serve as irrefutable evidence of experiences that might otherwise fade from memory.
As I consider purchasing a new phone, once again, the camera quality is at the forefront of my decision. This time, however, I’m focused on ensuring that my new phone will document not just my beautiful children and husband, but also the moments that include me, because I will actively request pictures of myself too—and I feel no shame in that.
There are countless mothers who resonate with the “absent from photo heartbreak.” It’s crucial to acknowledge that our families may not communicate this need intuitively, but we can change that. By voicing our desires for inclusion in family photos, we can enhance many aspects of our lives.
I’ve learned that if I don’t prioritize my own needs, no one else will. Who knew that a quest for better family photos could lead to such profound insights?
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Summary
Mothers often find themselves behind the camera, capturing memories for their families while being absent from those same memories. This article explores the need for mothers to advocate for their presence in family photos, emphasizing that their wants and needs are just as important. By taking the initiative to ask for inclusion, mothers can ensure they are part of the cherished moments that define family life.