When I got married, I never really had a compelling reason to change my last name. It felt like an unnecessary step in merging our lives. Contrary to what some may think, my decision wasn’t a bold feminist statement against age-old traditions. I simply didn’t see the need to make a change, so I decided to keep my maiden name.
My husband, Alex, was completely indifferent to the name issue. We even joked about the idea of him taking my last name or creating an entirely new family name. Our parents weren’t too keen on that concept, but I still think it would have been pretty cool to be the “Carter-Bonds” or the “Smith-Griswolds.” Imagine the unique holiday cards we could have sent out!
Traditionally, I don’t believe that keeping my last name has affected my marriage in any significant way. I feel just as connected to Alex now as I did before we tied the knot. The day after the wedding, there was a subtle shift in our relationship that I can’t quite explain, and it had nothing to do with the oddity of sharing a bed at my parents’ house. We still find ourselves bickering over misplaced items, and I still want to share my life stories before 8 a.m. — isn’t that the essence of marriage?
My name has been part of my identity for so long, so why would I want to change it? I’ve achieved so much under my name: I made it through high school, graduated college, and even earned my master’s degree in physical therapy. I’ve built a life filled with experiences, including trips to Mexico, that I wouldn’t want to erase by changing my name.
Once, a friend asked me, “Doesn’t it bother you that your children don’t share your last name?” Honestly, I couldn’t understand why that would matter. My kids came from me; they literally relied on me for sustenance for over a year. They call my name countless times each day. I can’t even manage to get five minutes of personal space, so I’m pretty sure we’re close enough without sharing a surname.
What about feeling like we aren’t part of the same family? I don’t share a last name with my sister, yet we talk every day about everything in our lives. She’s just as much family as she was when we had the same last name.
Occasionally, I wonder if airline staff might think I’m kidnapping my kids due to our different surnames, but I’ve never faced confusion when traveling, enrolling them in school, or scheduling doctor’s appointments. It hasn’t been an issue in nearly two decades of marriage.
It’s surprising to learn that half of Americans believe women should be legally obligated to adopt their husband’s last name. Ultimately, it’s your choice. If you feel comfortable taking your partner’s name, go for it. If you prefer to keep your own or even create a new one, that’s perfectly valid too. The happiest individuals live life on their terms, whether that means moving to Botswana while your partner stays in Florida and you share your Fridays via naked Skype.
So, if you’re preparing for marriage and wrestling with the question of your last name, remember it’s one of the lesser concerns. Feel free to change your mind later. Save your mental energy for the more pressing matters, like whether your partner needs a refresher on putting clothes in drawers or lowering the toilet seat. But if their last name happens to be Bond, then definitely change it.
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In summary, keeping your last name after marriage is a personal choice that should be made based on your own feelings and circumstances. There’s no right or wrong answer; what matters most is that you do what feels best for you and your family.