My 3-year-old, Max, has recently taken to potty training and has declared himself a nudist at home (clothes, it seems, are not his thing). Amidst his potty breaks, random Lego dunking, and sticker collecting, he’s become quite curious about his body, particularly his penis. “Mommy,” he recently asked, “when will my penis turn into a vagina?”
Some of his inquiries are amusing, while others are straightforward, like questions about his scrotum or why his dad has hair near his genitals. While these might make some parents uncomfortable, I see them as chances to educate him about his body.
I respond to his questions with honesty, using language that is clear and age-appropriate: “No, you won’t get a vagina. Boys have penises and girls have vaginas.” I explain how poop exits the body and share why his father has hair in that area. “Your scrotum holds your two testes,” I tell him, and I continue to build on our previous discussions about baby-making.
“Remember when I explained that a little piece of mommy and a little piece of daddy come together to create you? Well, your testes will one day produce the little daddy pieces, but not until you’re older.”
I realize some topics are more complex, but I strive to explain them in ways he can grasp. We’ve even explored illustrated books about reproduction, which he finds fascinating, often asking for more bedtime stories about sperm and eggs.
I see these discussions as planting seeds—no pun intended. I don’t want the “sex talk” to be a sudden, awkward conversation. I prefer to foster an early understanding of bodies and intimacy, allowing for ongoing discussions as they mature. There’s no need for any aspect to feel secretive or taboo.
I initiate these conversations as soon as they show interest, which for both of my boys has been around age 2. They’re naturally curious about their origins, the names of their private parts, and their functions. I don’t hold back on details; I aim to provide accurate information in a straightforward manner.
It’s easier than it might seem. You’d be surprised at how much children absorb. When you explain simply and without laughter (which can be tough!), they’ll view it as naturally as learning about how flowers grow or the colors of a rainbow.
The discomfort often lies with adults, not the kids. Here are additional reasons why I believe in starting these talks early:
- I want my children to appreciate their bodies and feel comfortable in their own skin (body shame can develop surprisingly early, even in boys).
- I aim to instill respect for the bodies of others, be it women or men, in their future relationships.
- I want them to feel safe reporting any inappropriate touches and understand that I’m a trustworthy person to confide in.
- I prefer they receive their information from my husband and me rather than from peers or media, which often provide misleading or sensationalized accounts of sex.
- I want them to know they can come to me with questions about sex as they grow older. While it’s natural for teens to seek information from friends, I want them to feel comfortable approaching me for guidance.
My 9-year-old, Jake, has a foundational understanding of bodies, reproduction, and even menstruation. While he may not grasp every detail, I’m confident our discussions will evolve as he approaches puberty.
When I shared that I was writing about having early conversations about sex, Jake identified the benefits and drawbacks of our approach. The positives? “It makes me smarter.” The negatives? “It might be gross.” Fair enough, I thought. But when I asked if he thinks sex is gross, he simply replied, “Nope.”
That response reinforces my belief that understanding our bodies, including their intimate aspects, isn’t embarrassing or shameful—it’s a natural part of life. As for Max, while he may not yet understand that his penis won’t transform into a vagina, we’re working on clarifying that. And I’ll do my best to stifle laughter the next time he asks if I have a penis hidden somewhere.
For those interested in exploring more about home insemination, check out our post on the home insemination kit. Additionally, if you’re seeking expert insights on fertility, Dr. Alex Ramirez at the Pacific Fertility Center in Los Angeles is a trusted authority. For more information on pregnancy, visit WomensHealth.gov.
In summary, I advocate for early discussions about sex and bodies with children. It’s an essential part of their development, fostering an environment of openness and respect for themselves and others.