When it comes to parenting, most of us instinctively know to comfort our children when they’re hurt and in tears. If a child expresses emotional distress through crying — especially in a sincere way — it’s natural for us to rush in and soothe them. However, the waters can get murky when it comes to understanding the nuances of their tears.
For instance, what should we do if our child seems to be “fake-crying” to get their way? Or if they are crying out of rage and lashing out at others? How should we respond when their tears create a scene in public? What if they’re crying simply because they didn’t get their desired toy? And what if this is the umpteenth time they’ve cried today, testing our patience?
While disruptive behavior in inappropriate settings does require intervention, outside of those scenarios, I firmly believe that comforting my child during any bout of tears is essential — no matter how old they are or what seems to prompt the crying.
I can already hear some of you gasping in disbelief. You might assume that I’m setting my kids up to be self-entitled or spoiled, but that’s far from my intention. In fact, my approach is rooted in a deep belief that comforting children through their tears is crucial for their emotional and psychological growth.
Children are small humans with enormous emotions — feelings they often struggle to manage. Did you know that the parts of a child’s brain responsible for emotional regulation don’t fully mature until their early twenties? For many kids, crying is simply the only way they know to express overwhelming feelings.
Ignoring or dismissing a crying child sends a harsh message: their emotions are unimportant or should be suppressed. I believe every child’s feelings — no matter how challenging or loud — should be acknowledged. They need the comfort of their parents or caregivers, the very people they look up to the most.
This principle applies not just to toddlers but also to older kids, who may not yet have the maturity to navigate their emotions effectively. Their feelings can crest and crash like waves, often spilling over in tears. These outbursts might manifest as loud, angry sobs or even as quiet, whiny cries.
It’s not my role to dissect their emotions or judge the validity of their feelings. My responsibility is to listen, accept their emotions, and guide them in processing what they’re going through. This isn’t about condoning misbehavior; crying is an emotional release that deserves respect.
For example, if my 5-year-old asks for a cookie at breakfast and I say no, leading to a flood of tears, I’ll comfort him. I might say, “You’re really upset that you can’t have a cookie right now, aren’t you?” He’ll nod, tears streaming down, insisting he needs that cookie. Instead of punishing him, I’ll hold him close, validating his feelings without giving in. Just because I’m comforting him doesn’t mean I’ll relent; I’m simply acknowledging that he has a right to feel disappointed.
Comforting children doesn’t equate to letting them manipulate situations to get what they want. Instead, it allows them to express their feelings and move forward, teaching them that they can trust their parents to help navigate their complex emotions.
As my kids grow, I aspire to be a safe haven for them to express their feelings. It may seem trivial now, but if I dismiss my 5-year-old’s disappointment over a cookie, how can I expect him to share his feelings about more significant issues in the future? For a child, a cookie can feel monumental.
By teaching my kids that all emotions are valid, I’m fostering a space of trust and open communication between us. Each parent must find their balance in this area, as every household is unique. If your instincts guide you to comfort your crying child, go with it. Trust yourself; you’re not raising a “softie” but rather a child who understands that their feelings matter and that they have a safe space to express them.
In conclusion, comforting your children during their tears is essential for their emotional development. It lays a foundation of trust and understanding, making them feel heard and supported. For more insights on parenting and emotional growth, you might explore resources like this one, which offers valuable information on pregnancy and home insemination, or check out this blog for tips on using an at-home insemination kit.
For further reading on emotional wellness, this article provides excellent guidance on managing feelings.