I have a son, and during his early years, when he stumbled, people would encourage him with phrases like, “Get up! Shake it off!” They often advised me not to coddle him. However, the response to my daughter’s falls is notably different. Instead of urging her to bounce back, onlookers appear alarmed when I don’t rush over to pick her up. It seems everyone feels compelled to comfort her.
My daughter took her first steps at just nine months and is quite nimble; the other day, she climbed a small rock wall at the park. She’s already running, which means she falls frequently. Despite my best efforts to keep her safe—like preventing her from climbing on chairs or navigating stairs—she still tumbles over her brother’s toy trucks or even her own feet. She moves quickly, and with that speed comes the occasional spill.
While I make sure to stay nearby, I resist the urge to scoop her up every time she falls. Of course, if she appears genuinely hurt or upset, I will comfort her immediately. But when I can tell she’s fine, I simply encourage her with, “You’re okay! Get back up!” Remarkably, she does just that. She jumps back up and continues her play. If she has a bruise or scrape, I’ve noticed that when I don’t react dramatically, she tends not to either.
Recently, we were at a neighborhood block party, and someone remarked, “You’re making me nervous!” because I didn’t rush to her aid after each tumble. In our front yard, a neighbor kept grabbing her before she hit the grass, and at my parents’ house, they shouted, “Jamie, grab her!” as she stumbled over a toy. Even strangers at the park felt compelled to intervene when she began to slide down a gentle incline. Just yesterday, someone at a birthday party swiftly caught her as she tripped over a doorframe.
These incidents highlight a common theme over just the past few days. Despite this, I believe in allowing her to pick herself up, as I recognize that while she may be oblivious to many lessons now, there are important truths to impart as she grows.
Lessons Learned
- She’s as Brave as Her Brother. Growing up with an older brother, I was often seen as the one needing protection. I want my daughter to understand that she is equally strong and brave, capable of handling challenges on her own.
- Life Isn’t Always Fair. It pains me to accept that my daughter will face both physical and emotional hardships. My role is to instill in her that while life can be unfair, resilience is crucial. Falling is part of life, but getting back up will make her unstoppable.
- I Can’t Always Be By Her Side. The thought of her venturing out without me is daunting, but it’s inevitable. Soon enough, she’ll be off to preschool, and before I know it, college will be just around the corner. While I want her to feel secure now, it’s essential for her to learn independence, starting with small steps.
- Failure Enhances Our Success. Experiencing setbacks is a natural part of life. Each fall is a lesson that helps her appreciate her eventual successes even more.
- Crying is Okay, but Not Always Necessary. My daughter comes from a long line of emotional individuals, and I fully believe in the catharsis of tears. However, I want her to learn that not every minor setback warrants emotional outbursts.
- Her Worth is Not Based on Appearance. Many comments surrounding her falls hint at the importance of staying clean, avoiding dirt and grass stains. I want her to recognize that her value is not determined by her looks.
Though my little girl is not yet two, my instinct is to rush to her side at every stumble. However, I must help her learn to rise back up—both literally and metaphorically. I will always be there when she genuinely needs me, but I also want her to discover her own strength and bravery. After all, there will come a day when she will face the world without me.
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Summary
In parenting, allowing children to experience falls and failures is crucial for their development. By encouraging independence and resilience in my daughter, I aim to teach her valuable life lessons about bravery, fairness, and self-worth. As she grows, I hope she learns to appreciate her strengths and navigate life’s challenges with confidence.