In our household, emotions run deep. While this might seem typical, there are days when the intensity of feelings can be overwhelming, especially when they hit all at once. My own emotional state has been a turbulent ride lately—perhaps it’s due to balancing three energetic toddlers, the aftermath of pregnancy hormones, or simply exhaustion. There’s no single explanation or quick fix, which has prompted me to reflect on how I handle my own feelings.
I have a tendency to get angry quickly and often resort to yelling, a trait I’m not proud of. When I feel hurt, I tend to withdraw and suppress my feelings. Amidst the daily chaos, stress can easily take hold, and I struggle to remind myself that I can alleviate it by saying “no” or adjusting my plans.
Watching my 2-year-old wail in fury, I’ve come to realize that emotions can’t be changed instantly. Yet, I often find myself telling my kids to “calm down” or “change your mood” without providing them the tools to manage their reactions.
When anger strikes, I feel justified, experiencing emotions like disappointment and discontent. However, I can articulate those feelings, while my children may lack the vocabulary and understanding to express their emotional turmoil. They experience the same overwhelming sensations, but their minds are still developing, and their life experiences haven’t taught them that these feelings will eventually fade. Isn’t it my responsibility as a parent to guide them through these emotions, helping them understand and articulate what they feel?
Yes, the task of parenting becomes more challenging when we take on this role, but I believe it is essential. We must encourage our children to embrace their emotions instead of suppressing them. Recently, a friend of mine, Laura, questioned, “What’s the purpose of feeling angry when it doesn’t change anything?” I recognize this tendency in myself to avoid emotions, dodging situations that might bring discomfort. Unlike adults, children don’t shy away from their emotions; they experience them in full force, drawing us into their emotional whirlwind.
It’s all too easy to discipline our children for their reactions while neglecting their need to process their feelings. Yet, emotions should not be viewed as shameful or burdensome. They are a natural part of being human. The real issue lies in how we respond to these emotions. For instance, I can express my anger to my partner, or I might choose to withdraw in silence. Both reactions stem from the same emotion, but one is a healthier way to cope.
In our home, we have designated spaces where they can express their anger—whether by screaming on the couch or throwing stuffed animals in their room. There are moments when I, too, find solace in my own space, sometimes crying or lost in thought. We take the time to pause, identify the emotion, and explore its source—not to suppress it but to foster growth. We want to experience the full range of human emotions: joy, sadness, excitement, and yes, anger.
I aspire for my children to understand their intense emotions, enabling them to transform their world rather than be swayed by it.
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Summary
This article discusses the importance of allowing children to express their emotions freely, particularly anger, through behaviors like kicking and screaming. The author reflects on their own emotional struggles and the responsibility of parents to guide children in understanding and processing their feelings. By creating a safe space for emotional expression, children learn to navigate their emotions effectively, fostering personal growth and resilience.