Life Lessons Learned Through Hardships
My daughter decided to quit her summer job, despite my warnings that she might come to regret it. The pay was decent, the hours were flexible, and as someone who enjoys spending money, it seemed like a good fit. Nevertheless, she was resolute in her decision. Fast forward a few months, and she hasn’t secured another job, leaving her bank account nearly empty.
I could have prohibited her from quitting or pushed her harder to reconsider, but I chose not to. After parenting three teenagers, I’ve realized the value of allowing them the space to make their own mistakes. Sometimes, witnessing them stumble is necessary for their growth.
Take my son, for instance. During his sophomore year, he despised history class. I tried to encourage him, but to no avail. Eventually, I told him that if he wasn’t going to complete his assignments or seek the help he needed, I wouldn’t step in. He ended up failing the class and had to retake it. The second time around, he approached it with a new mindset and never failed a class again. He learned that it was easier to do the work the first time rather than face the consequences of neglecting it.
To me, failure isn’t a negative concept. It highlights areas that need improvement and can sometimes signal that it’s time to let go of something that isn’t a good fit. As a parent, watching your kids struggle is challenging, but I believe it’s a critical part of their development for several reasons:
- Valuable Life Experiences: When kids face challenges, have to rectify their mistakes, or let someone down, those experiences resonate more deeply than if we intervene and resolve everything for them. They become adept at navigating difficult situations and learn to appreciate their successes.
- Faster Learning: We can provide warnings about the pitfalls of certain choices, like staying up too late before a test or the questionable character of a friend. While there are moments when intervention is necessary for their safety, allowing them to learn from their mistakes as they grow up equips them with better judgment for the future.
- Independence: Parents can’t always be there. By letting children learn on their own, we help them build confidence in their ability to handle tough situations without our constant support.
- Empathy Development: When children hurt others and need to make amends, or when they have to correct a mistake, it fosters empathy. Understanding that everyone makes errors is a profound lesson they can carry into adulthood.
- Responsibility: Knowing that they must face the consequences of their actions encourages kids to take ownership of their choices. This accountability leads to increased self-confidence and a willingness to take risks. If they rely on their parents to clean up their messes, they won’t develop the necessary skills to navigate life independently.
It’s tough for me to watch my children face failure. Every instinct tells me to step in and fix things for them to shield them from pain. But I understand that providing them with an easy way out will only lead to greater suffering later on.
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