“Please say you’re sorry, sweetheart!”
We’ve all uttered this phrase, often in public, to avoid the judgment of bystanders while trying to maintain a semblance of control over our little one’s behavior. I’ve found myself saying it countless times, hoping my child would miraculously express remorse for their actions, whether it was hitting another child with a toy or erupting in laughter after a loud fart. But deep down, I knew they weren’t genuinely sorry—not even a little.
Toddlers are like tiny tornadoes, often leaving chaos in their wake. They might swing a toy at another child simply because they’re nearby or decide that storytime is the perfect moment to strip down and feel the breeze. They snatch toys from friends and giggle when someone cries. They might even flush shoes down the toilet or dash off in a store just for the thrill of it.
Even when they parrot the word “sorry,” it lacks meaning. They say it to evade consequences or avoid a trip home for a nap. Their actions stem from pure impulse and a desire for instant gratification, not from any understanding of guilt or remorse. If they were caught, they might express a superficial apology, but make no mistake—they don’t grasp the gravity of their actions.
Toddlers are self-centered little beings, navigating a world that revolves around them. They often don’t comprehend the concept of regret; their lives are lived without the weight of remorse. I sometimes think they should wear shirts emblazoned with “No Regrets,” highlighting their carefree existence.
After spending time with two toddlers, I’ve realized that the most effective way to handle their misbehavior is to apologize on their behalf: “I’m sorry that happened! It’s not nice to hit our friends. I hope you’re okay!” I genuinely feel bad when my child hurts someone else or disrupts a moment. This approach models empathy, and I trust that over time, they’ll learn that actions have consequences.
To other parents in similar situations, I often say, “I apologize, my child is just acting out right now. We’re working on it.” Most parents respond with understanding, and I assure you, these little ones do grow into caring individuals—they just need time.
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In summary, toddlers often don’t grasp the meaning of an apology, and trying to compel them to say sorry can lead to more discomfort for everyone involved. Instead, it’s more productive to model empathy and understanding while acknowledging their actions on their behalf.