It seems to happen frequently whenever people discover my children’s ages. Whether I’m engaging in casual conversation with a stranger, getting to know another mom at the park, or chatting with fellow parents at my workplace, the question inevitably arises.
“Wait. How old are you?”
I understand that most people mean no harm; however, it can become tiresome. Yes, I am younger than many parents of tweens. When I mention that I’m “only” 28, I often feel compelled to clarify that my oldest child is technically my stepson to avoid the judgmental looks when they do the math.
I didn’t have my first child at 16; I was 19, which isn’t exactly a teenager. But even if I were younger, why does it matter? I’m present at my kids’ basketball games, orchestra recitals, and parent-teacher meetings just like everyone else. I deal with worries about grades, social media, dating, college, and bills just like you do.
I am a parent. Just like you.
While I appreciate that people often intend the “Oh my goodness, you’re so young” comment as a compliment (I’ll probably see the humor in it a decade from now), here are a few reasons why you should reconsider your reactions when you learn my age:
- When you say I’m too young to have children, I want to facepalm. The fact is, I do have children, and they are older than yours. Trust me, you’re not the first one to notice.
- Would you question a woman in her forties managing a couple of preschoolers about her age (or if she’s their grandmother)? No? That’s considered rude, right?
- “When I was your age…” Well, guess what? When I reach your age, my kids will be in their twenties. That doesn’t seem so bad now, does it?
- Your comments undermine my abilities as a parent, and I find that disheartening. Just because I became a parent young doesn’t mean I’m any less dedicated than you. It’s as if you suggest that someone my age is overwhelmed or not mature enough to handle parenting.
- Generations ago, girls were marrying at 16 and having children much faster than my kids can eat pizza. While I’m not advocating for that lifestyle, let’s maintain some perspective.
- Although I might feel tempted, I would never respond to your “You’re so young” remark with “No, you’re just old.”
Respect the journey; we all have our own paths, whether we started at 19, 27, or 42. We are all parents, and you might just find that you can learn something from me. After all, it wasn’t long ago that I was a kid myself.
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Summary
Navigating the world of parenting as a younger mom can lead to unsolicited comments about age. While often well-intentioned, these remarks can undermine my experience and authority as a parent. Let’s remember that parenting is a shared journey, regardless of when it begins.