On a recent Saturday afternoon, I finally convinced my middle school son to get a long-overdue haircut at the local barbershop. As he chatted with the barber, I picked up a nearby newspaper and started flipping through the pages. The usual community stories were there: athletic victories, budget discussions, and wedding announcements. Then, a small piece caught my attention.
Two girls from a neighboring town organized a bake sale to support the family of a teenage boy who had died “at home.” The article didn’t disclose the cause of death, nor did the family wish to comment. However, the girls mentioned feeling compelled to help because the boy had faced severe bullying at school, often targeted for his weight and clothing. The implication was clear. I looked up, and the barber, noticing my shocked expression, discreetly mouthed the word, “Suicide. So tragic.”
I glanced at my son and felt a wave of dread. What if he was the target of bullying? What if he felt hopeless and lost? Would I even know? My stomach turned. Then I considered another painful possibility—what if he was the bully? Would I recognize that part of him? My stomach dropped again.
Although I didn’t know the boy who died, I understand the confusion and turmoil of adolescence. If only he had held on a bit longer, perhaps he would have navigated through the chaos of youth and emerged as a successful adult. Maybe he could have become a teacher, a doctor, or even a barber. But he didn’t make it; he felt too isolated and frightened to see a brighter future ahead.
We’ve all been through the tumult of adolescence—worrying about our appearances, our social standing, and whether we’d fit in. Did you ever think about your own group during those turbulent years? Would you want your child to be a part of that? Did you sacrifice anything to belong, like your individuality or your closest friendships? Perhaps you abandoned someone who wasn’t deemed “cool” enough, hoping to climb the social ladder or to protect yourself from rejection.
Or maybe you were the one left out, feeling insignificant and invisible. Determined to prevent your child from facing the same isolation, you might push them toward certain friends, steering them away from those deemed “different.”
As you reflect, you might think, “My child would never bully anyone! They’re kind.” But why would they be different from the rest of us? Did you ever chuckle at the heavier girl in gym class or stay silent while witnessing someone else being teased? Did you ever extend a hand to an outsider at lunch or defend a friend, even at the risk of becoming a target yourself?
Bullying isn’t merely physical or verbal abuse; one of the most insidious forms is exclusion. It’s about being left out, standing alone, and watching from the sidelines.
Do you think things have changed? That bullying has diminished due to all those anti-bullying programs? Think again. The real difference today is technology, which facilitates quicker and more widespread harassment. So when a child claims, “There’s no bullying in my school; we have a program for that,” don’t be deceived. While such programs are essential, they are just the beginning.
Conversations about acceptance and empathy must continue at home. We need to instill in our children the importance of inclusivity, teaching them from a young age to avoid exclusion on the playground, to invite everyone to their parties, and to broaden their circles. It’s natural to form close friendships, but encouraging them to reach out to the kid sitting alone, or the one wearing slightly outdated clothes, can make a significant difference. You never know, that small gesture might give someone a reason to hold on through tough times.
This article was initially published on April 1, 2016, and serves as a reminder that dialogue is crucial in combating bullying.
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In summary, while anti-bullying programs are a step in the right direction, they must be complemented by ongoing discussions and actions at home. It’s essential to teach our children the value of acceptance and proactive kindness to create a more inclusive environment for all.