It’s 4:21 AM, and my toddler is wailing beside me for the eighth time tonight. My five-year-old has taken my husband’s spot, who has retreated to her bed in a desperate bid for sleep. Succumbing to fatigue, I scoop my little one up and relocate to the couch, where I cue up The Incredibles 2—the movie we seem to watch on an endless loop—snacking her into calmness while I sneak back to bed.
Not long after, she’s back, hungry for more snacks, and demanding my company on the couch. Of course, her sister wakes up too, and just like that, we’re all wide awake at 5 AM. By 6:30, I’m grappling with the idea of a third cup of coffee, but I hold off, hoping for a nap later. A girl can dream, right?
They say it takes a village to raise a child, but what happens when that village is non-existent? You transform into that village. You become the sole source of nourishment, love, shelter, and every aspect of life. Due to our frequent moves—11 relocations across nine cities in Canada in just eight years—my family has struggled to establish lasting connections or find trustworthy babysitters. Feeling overwhelmed yet?
Being your own village means there’s no “break.” You don’t get days or nights off. Date nights are a fantasy, and friends aren’t around to interrupt the daily grind. Exhaustion consumes you, and your biggest wish is a full night’s sleep. You long for it, but quickly realize it’s just that—a dream. You lie awake, dreading the inevitable cries.
We live a life that deviates from societal norms. We married last year after being together for seven years and having two children in that time. We don’t own a house, have careers with retirement plans, or have a supportive family nearby to lean on during tough moments. It’s been a whirlwind with all our moves and parenting responsibilities.
It’s human nature to fixate on what you lack, and that obsession can overshadow the present. While reflection is essential for growth, it must be paired with action; otherwise, you’re left stagnant, overwhelmed by thoughts of past decisions and future consequences.
The time has come to shift our mindset. If we were to toss our problems into a pot, we’d likely pick our own back out quickly after seeing the struggles of others. Seriously. When you focus on what you do have, the chaos within calms down, and you can feel pride in the choices you’re making. If you’re not happy with those choices, it’s time to take a step back and reevaluate. No one will change things for you—not your child, spouse, or friend.
This realization has been pivotal for us. We’ve started concentrating on our current situation and our potential for growth. We aren’t “stuck” unless we choose to be. We can honor ourselves for raising our children mostly solo while exploring breathtaking parts of Canada and managing our businesses. The bond between my partner and I is vibrant across all aspects—parenting, love, teamwork, and creativity. Our village consists of each other and our children, and that’s something to celebrate.
When you are the village, you face a choice: feel sorry for yourself because you’re overwhelmed, or recognize the strength in your current role. Some days, this is incredibly difficult to see. I’ve stumbled countless times, especially when exhausted. It can feel like you’ve lost your identity while caring for everyone else, wondering about your purpose and yearning for a break.
Parenting alters your life completely. Instead of reminiscing about “freedom,” focus on what you can do now to improve your situation. Celebrate the small victories. Acknowledge the growth of your little ones and know that your hard work is paying off. This is a temporary phase, so even on the hardest days, find a way to embrace and own it.
Now is the time to accept the life we have and recognize how much worse things could be. Don’t let societal expectations dictate your sense of success. Everyone has a unique hand to play, and it’s how you play those cards that determines your outcome. If you’re stuck trying to play poker with a hand meant for crazy eights, you won’t win. Instead, figure out how to make your cards work for you. Make the necessary changes to feel better. Shift your mindset, modify your actions, and transform your life.
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In summary, when your support system feels absent, you may find yourself stepping up to fill that role. While the challenges can be daunting, embracing your unique situation can lead to personal growth and fulfillment. Shift your focus from what you lack to what you have, and celebrate the journey you’re on with your loved ones.