By: Sarah Thompson
Date: Feb. 25, 2022
My journey with teenagers has been quite intense. With three kids born within three years, I’ve witnessed their transitions through various stages of adolescence one after another. Through numerous trial and error, I had to quickly adapt and find ways to support my teens as they navigated their growth.
When my eldest turned 12, I realized that no amount of pleading could revert him to his sweet, chatty self; my efforts only drove him further away. Shortly after, my daughter hit 12, and I felt overwhelmed, convinced that everything I did only fueled my son’s frustration. The reality was that he was evolving, and my attempts to freeze that change only created a rift between us.
Eventually, I figured out a few key strategies that allowed my teens the freedom to grow and explore their identities.
Understanding Their Journey
It became clear to me that my children have their own paths. My eldest chose not to attend college after high school, and my daughter may follow suit. They’re not particularly fond of school, and their aspirations don’t necessarily require a degree. I went to college because that’s what was expected, but I now recognize that their lives are distinct from mine, and I refuse to impose my expectations on them.
Forgiving and Moving Forward
This part is challenging, but I’ve learned not to hold grudges. If they let me down, I understand that they are still learning. Constantly reminding them of past mistakes only hinders their ability to reflect and grow. It’s essential to grant them second chances and allow them to rebuild trust.
Allowing Personal Space
Teenagers often prefer the comfort of their rooms. Yes, my kids spend a lot of time in there, and instead of coaxing them to join me, I’ve chosen to give them space. While it feels strange at first, this approach encourages them to come out when they’re ready.
Supporting Their Choices
If they wish to quit a sport or club, I let them. While I might encourage them to stick with it initially, I understand that interests change as they grow. Forcing them to continue often leads to negativity for everyone involved. If they miss it later, they’ll recognize that themselves.
Embracing Their Style
My teens enjoy their casual attire, often opting for sweatpants and hoodies. I’ve stopped commenting on their wardrobe choices, realizing that trying to change what they wear for my comfort was futile.
Encouraging Self-Expression
Whether it’s hair dye or piercings, I believe in their right to express themselves. If they want pink hair or a shaved side, I fully support their decision. I remember wanting a short haircut myself but was discouraged by my parents. Times have changed, and my kids deserve the freedom to be who they wish.
Allowing Mistakes
As a parent, sometimes you need to step in, but other times it’s about letting them learn from their own choices. Whether it’s about managing their time or navigating friendships, they must make their own decisions. It can feel precarious, but allowing them to grow at their own pace is vital.
In the end, you’ll make mistakes, and it may feel like you’re either doing too much or not enough. Just strive to do your best.
For more insights on parenting and self-expression, check out this article on style trends or explore eye shapes for a different perspective. For excellent resources on pregnancy and home insemination, visit the UCSF Center.
Summary
Navigating the teenage years can be challenging for both parents and children. Allowing teens the freedom to express themselves, make mistakes, and explore their identities is crucial for their development. By understanding that their experiences are different from our own and granting them the space they need, we can foster a healthier relationship with them.