During a recent visit to our neighborhood grocery store, my youngest, a kindergartner, spotted a bag of chocolate-covered toffee and eagerly asked if we could buy it as a treat. “Do I have to share?” she inquired, her eyes wide with worry.
I took a deep breath. My 5-year-old daughter has always found sharing to be a significant challenge. I remember her as a toddler in the sandbox, clutching her bucket, shovels, and watering can tightly whenever another child approached. When friends come over, she often hides away her favorite dress-up costume instead of taking turns. Even during breakfast, she worries about having to share the pink-striped hula hoop during recess.
It’s not that she doesn’t grasp the idea of sharing. Preschool, playdates, and now kindergarten have taught her that sharing is an essential part of play, and that “sharing is caring.” Yet, despite this, she struggles with the concept. Letting go of anything, whether it’s a cherished pencil or a lick of ice cream, is not easy for her. I often find myself trying to persuade her to share, sometimes resorting to gentle bribery, particularly when others are watching. When she refuses to share, I can’t shake off the feeling of judgment.
That sense of perceived failure makes me want to exert my parental authority and insist that she share, threatening consequences if she doesn’t. When she does share, it feels like a parenting win for me. However, forcing her to comply would be more about my public image than her well-being. Studies show that people consider their belongings extensions of themselves. Is it surprising that kids resist giving up things they feel define them? As adults, we wouldn’t dream of handing over our prized possessions just because someone demands it. Yet, we expect our children to do just that and feel disheartened when they struggle.
This line of thinking led me to question whether there was something wrong with my daughter. Why does she hesitate to share? Is she lacking some critical element of empathy? While I’ve seen her display kindness toward animals and rush to assist a friend in distress, sharing remains difficult for her. Perhaps being the youngest of three, with most of her belongings being hand-me-downs, contributes to her reluctance. Is it a control issue? I know I feel anxious when pressured to respond to unexpected demands. Maybe she inherited that from me.
Whatever the reasons, my daughter struggles with sharing. While it may never come easily to her, I don’t believe that simply teaching her to share is the ultimate goal. What matters most to me is that she learns empathy, kindness, and the impact her actions have on others. I want her to genuinely desire to share, rather than doing so out of obligation or pressure from me or other adults.
As I look at her sweet, concerned face, I can sense the internal conflict as she considers sharing the toffee with her older sisters. Instead of compelling her to share, I choose to guide her toward a kind decision on her own. “No, you don’t have to share,” I say gently. “But I know your sisters would be so happy if you did.”
For more insights into parenting and home insemination, check out our previous post on home insemination kits. You can also find valuable information about infertility to help you navigate the challenges of starting a family. Additionally, if you’re interested in home insemination, exciting news for new mamas is available that might be of interest.
In summary, while my child struggles with sharing, I believe it is more beneficial for her to learn the underlying values of kindness and empathy rather than just conforming to cultural expectations. By fostering her own desire to share, I hope she will ultimately find joy in generosity.