Parenting
When You Regret Your Child’s Name
by Jamie Foster
Updated: Aug. 20, 2023
Originally Published: Aug. 9, 2023
I was just 24 when my first child, Oliver, arrived. At the time, I felt quite grown-up, but looking back at my current age of 35, I realize I was still a kid preparing to raise another. My partner, Sara, was the same age. After being married for about a year, we found out we were expecting a boy and began tossing around name ideas. I have to admit, some of my suggestions were a bit out there. I can’t recall all of them, but two that stand out are Barnaby and Chip. I can’t quite articulate why I thought Barnaby was a good choice, except that I thought it would help him stand out in a crowd.
Naturally, Sara looked at me as though I’d just suggested we name him after a notorious villain. By this point, her pregnancy was evident. She placed a protective hand on her belly and firmly declared, “There’s no way we are naming our son after a character from a bad sitcom.”
I pressed the issue further, even involving our parents in the discussion. Everyone seemed to think I had lost my mind. They all acted as if I had committed a major faux pas by even considering such names. Looking back, I can see their point—I was being a bit immature.
I hadn’t fully grasped the importance of choosing a name for a child. My intention was for our son to have a unique name, but I never really thought about the implications of that name. Sure, Barnaby is distinctive, but it also carries a connotation that could be seen as whimsical rather than strong.
Then I suggested Chip as a potential first name. While I didn’t face the same degree of resistance as with Barnaby, it still wasn’t a winner. At that point, it felt like a compromise. After much deliberation, Sara and I finally settled on Oliver Chip Foster. The plan was for him to have a cool middle name, one he could embrace or drop as he grew older.
Here’s the deal with naming a child: no matter what you choose, friends and family will have their opinions. They’ll say it’s either too common or too bizarre, or they’ll mispronounce it entirely. They might even share tales of someone they knew with the same name who turned out to be a jerk, as if that’s relevant to you. Suggestions will fly, and you might not like any of them, but the conversation will keep going.
I don’t know why this happens, but if you opt for a name that’s even slightly unusual, get ready for some odd stares throughout your parenting journey. Your child will likely receive the same sympathetic looks one might give to a kid who clearly hasn’t had a bath in days.
Now, at nearly 12, Oliver has reached an age where he has his own opinions—trust me, he has plenty. He doesn’t go by Chip; in fact, he prefers to be called Ollie. I certainly didn’t see that coming.
Could this change when he hits high school? Will he suddenly decide to embrace Chip? Who knows? But right now, he tends to shy away from discussing his middle name. When people discover it, he often looks down, clearly uncomfortable.
In this moment, I find myself having a small regret about his middle name. Is it catastrophic? Not really. It’s more of a mild regret, one that doesn’t warrant changing his name but leaves me pondering my choices from my younger days. I’m sure there are other parents out there who feel the same way. Perhaps they named their child something that seemed fitting at the time, only to feel differently now. Maybe they chose a name after someone they’ve since grown to dislike. Is it significant enough to change their name? Probably not. But that feeling lingers, and occasionally, you can’t help but wonder what you were thinking.
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Summary:
Naming a child can be a daunting task that often leads to regrets as they grow. This article shares personal experiences of a father who reflects on the unusual name choices he made for his son, Oliver, and the reactions they elicited from friends and family. Ultimately, it’s a reminder that while names can carry weight, the connections we build with our children are what truly matter.