When it comes to my parenting approach, I’d liken it to the classic tale of Goldilocks. I’m not a strict Tiger Mom nor a hovering Helicopter Mom. While I maintain a fairly relaxed demeanor about many aspects of parenting, I wouldn’t categorize myself as a Free-Range Parent either. I aim for balance—at least, that’s my intention.
However, the reality is I sometimes find myself acting as an accommodating parent. My kids bounce on the furniture and toss balls indoors. I don’t impose strict rules against swearing—provided it’s not hurtful—and I’m lenient about screen time. Our pantry is filled with a never-ending supply of chocolate and snacks, thanks to my own fondness for indulgent treats.
Our home is often a lively and enjoyable place, that is until it spirals out of control. My usually sweet children can quickly transform into little monsters, whining about not getting dessert after dinner and insisting that five hours of video games isn’t enough. My husband and I exchange exasperated glances, silently questioning where our well-behaved kids have gone.
This is when I realize I’ve crossed the line into full-blown Accommodating Parent territory. What starts as a reasonable bedtime soon becomes fluid, leading to the complete absence of a bedtime. Occasional treats turn into unrestricted access to sugary snacks, and my relaxed stance on video games and swearing risks turning my kids into overly entitled, unruly beings.
Contrary to what one might think, my tendency to be an accommodating parent isn’t a result of laziness. I may exhibit various traits, but laziness certainly isn’t one of them. It’s a culmination of circumstances—work commitments can easily consume my time, causing hours in front of screens to pass unnoticed. Sometimes, my husband and I plan enjoyable family outings, only for those intentions to get lost in the shuffle of daily life. Or, I might indulge in candy bars myself and hesitate to deny the same pleasure to my kids, fearing hypocrisy.
Regardless of the reason behind my accommodating parenting style, the outcomes are rarely beneficial. It doesn’t take long for my children to shift from affectionate, albeit energetic, kids to whining and screaming little terrors. I’m not averse to taking on the role of “Mean Mom” when necessary, but this persona typically emerges only after the accommodating phase has spiraled out of control. It’s during those late nights when my kids are devouring snacks and watching movies long past bedtime that I realize a change is needed.
Restoring order from the accommodating parenting phase is challenging for everyone involved. We all suffer through a period of adjustment as we transition back to a healthier routine. Bedtimes are reinstated, video game privileges are revoked, and junk food is tucked away. Gradually, my children become the more rested and less irritable versions of themselves, while I become comfortable playing the “Mean Mom” role when required.
If you’ve found yourself in a similar situation, don’t worry. Being an accommodating parent doesn’t equate to being a bad or lazy parent; it simply means you’re a loving and adaptable parent who occasionally lets things slide—because let’s face it, it can be a lot more enjoyable. You’re not inflicting lasting harm or creating spoiled children, and you can certainly find your way back to a more structured routine, even if it involves some whining and a bit of sugar withdrawal.
In time, you’ll reestablish your parenting rhythm, and everything will settle into a more harmonious state.
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Summary:
Navigating the balance between being a strict parent and an accommodating one can be tricky. While it’s easy to let rules slip, it’s essential to recognize when the situation has spiraled out of control. By reestablishing structure and setting boundaries, parents can return to a healthier routine and maintain harmony in the household.