Updated: October 12, 2020
Originally Published: November 10, 2005
Childhood is often riddled with minor humiliations: bowl haircuts, enforced bedtimes, and car windows that require permission to operate. Kids rely heavily on others for basic needs, from wiping their noses to assisting them in the bathroom. While some might argue that these small trials are essential for a child’s safety and development, I would counter that various traditions imposed on children are genuinely unfair and offer them no real benefit—such as the dreadful card game known as War.
Why War is the Worst
You may recall the game: two players split a deck of cards, flipping one card at a time. The player with the higher card claims both cards, and this continues until one player has all the cards, thereby winning. This can drag on for hours. The only excitement occurs when both players reveal a card of equal value—enter the so-called “war”—where each player puts down two more cards, and whoever has the higher card takes all four.
Even as a child who could easily be misled (like thinking all my neighborhood friends liked me simply because we lived on the same street), I recognized how terrible War was. It required none of the strategy that games like Go Fish or Uno demand, and after realizing that some numbers are higher than others, a child learns nothing new; any kid with a reasonable allowance already knows which numbers come out on top.
War: What’s the Point?
The true injustice of War lies in its lesson: that winning is a worthy goal in and of itself. Intelligence and strategy are irrelevant; what matters is simply being declared the winner. I never felt any satisfaction from winning a game of War, just as one shouldn’t feel pride in winning Bingo or scratch-off lottery tickets—at least those games offer a cash prize. The only reward for winning War is dubious bragging rights. Your victory may come with no real merit, and who will even remember your opponent’s name later? As Churchill famously noted during a particularly fortunate game, “History is written by the victors.”
It’s Not Just War That’s the Issue
I don’t have kids (you can thank me later, America), but I speak from my own childhood experiences. Recently, my friend Sarah expressed concern that her pre-teen daughter lies awake at night in apprehension of running The Mile—a centerpiece of the President’s Physical Fitness Test, now rebranded as “The President’s Challenge” to soften its impact on sensitive children.
The problem with The Mile, as with many elements of “The Challenge,” (aside from the skinfold/BMI test, which is a different discussion) is not the assessment of children’s physical fitness, but how this test categorizes winners and losers. In my school, the fastest runners were rewarded with medals and celebrated by gym teachers as if they had accomplished a monumental feat. This led to a strict social hierarchy where fast runners were revered while slower peers were subjected to ridicule.
Avoiding the Creation of Jerks
I’m not suggesting we shield children from the pain of losing altogether or that everyone should receive a trophy just for showing up. However, it took me years to recover from the trauma of The Mile. Long after high school, while I was in college and living off gummy candies and Diet Coke, I still believed that if I wasn’t fast, running simply wasn’t for me.
A narrow focus on who wins and other simplistic measures of success is only beneficial if you aim to raise kids who act like mobsters or bookies. I’m not here to criticize gym teachers or make sweeping parenting claims, but I believe that children can learn far more valuable lessons from sports than the idea that “winning is everything.” These lessons could inspire them to enjoy physical activity and encourage lifelong exercise habits—one of the main objectives of the President’s Challenge and physical education classes overall.
The relentless drive to win can be detrimental, and I firmly believe that War is an awful game that children should be protected from. Instead, why not teach them to play a more complex game like bridge? Its intricacies ensure that no one ever truly finishes a game, so the pressure to win dissipates. This offers a perfect opportunity to discuss essential life lessons about process, skill, and the importance of perseverance—all of which are far more critical than simply winning or losing.
In tenth grade, I was asked by the school newspaper what I would change about our high school, and I said, “Sophomore swimming! It’s such a waste!” I was then confronted by a group of gym teachers who were worried about budget cuts and claimed that my flippant comment could endanger their jobs. I left the encounter in tears, reflecting on my less-than-stellar experiences with gym teachers.
This article was originally published on November 10, 2005.
If you’re interested in more parenting insights, you might enjoy our post about fertility supplements at Make a Mom. For further reading on family-building options, check out Resolve, which is an excellent resource. Additionally, if you’re curious about meditation and self-discovery, visit Intracervical Insemination.
Summary
This article explores the detrimental effects of games like War and fitness challenges that foster a win-at-all-costs mentality in children. Instead of focusing solely on victories, it advocates for teaching kids essential life lessons about process, skill, and enjoyment in physical activities, promoting a healthier mindset toward fitness and competition.