Every night, like clockwork, my eyelids begin to droop around 8:30 p.m. It doesn’t matter if I’m scrubbing the kitchen, lounging with my kids in front of the TV, or even immersed in a book with loud music blaring in the background. I feel a wave of drowsiness wash over me, and I think, “Tonight, I’m going to sleep like a baby.” But then, inevitably, I don’t.
As soon as my head meets the pillow, it’s as if my anxiety receives a wake-up call. Why do my worries come alive in the dark when everyone else is peacefully asleep? This is the time I’ve longed for all day, and yet I’m far from the tranquil state I envisioned during lunch, when I could barely keep my eyes open. The thoughts that linger quietly throughout the day suddenly start to swirl and dance in my mind.
I find myself pondering how I transitioned from being ready to doze off on my feet to feeling hyper-aware. Even the hum of the refrigerator seems louder than usual, and suddenly I’m consumed by the fear that it might break down overnight. Just yesterday, I bought groceries, but wait—did I forget the eggs for the cupcakes I promised to bake this weekend?
When I do manage to drift off, it’s a fleeting victory. I often wake up around midnight, convinced it’s morning and that I’ve actually slept well—only to realize it’s just the middle of the night, and I still feel like I’ve downed a bottle of NyQuil. Speaking of which, I’ve tried everything from NyQuil to Tylenol PM, melatonin, essential oils, and various sleep aids, to no avail.
I once read that obsessively watching the clock and stressing about not sleeping makes everything worse. Before I know it, it’s 5 a.m., and I have to rise in just an hour to tackle my daily responsibilities. They say getting up and doing something else, like reading or simply wandering around the kitchen, can help you unwind. I’ve had success with this a few times, but it’s not a guaranteed fix.
Chamomile tea is another supposed remedy, but all it seems to do is increase my late-night trips to the bathroom. I’ve tried stealthily navigating my way there with my eyes half-closed, but I’ve found that stubbing my toe or colliding with the wall is a surefire way to wake up fully!
My daughter, in a sweet gesture, crafted a small lavender pillow for me, saying it would help me sleep better. I adore the fragrance; it reminds me of her warmth. Unfortunately, I often find myself apologizing to my kids for my cranky demeanor due to lack of sleep. This past Christmas, every gift they picked out for me was labeled “relaxing,” “stress-free,” or “for better sleep.”
After investing in a new mattress, I noticed a slight improvement, yet I still lie awake, wondering why I can’t simply relax and let go. It’s not for lack of trying; I’m just exhausted from the battle. The nights can feel so isolating. Every sound, thought, and feeling comes alive, and let’s be honest—when I manage to catch some ZZZs, I look a whole lot better.
For now, I’ll keep visualizing a peaceful night’s sleep, reminding myself to let go of the weight of the world, even if it sometimes feels heavy. If anyone knows the secret switch to turn off my mind for just seven hours, please, share it with me!
This article was originally published on August 6, 2018.
Summary:
Struggling to find restful sleep can be a frustrating experience, as anxiety often creeps in when you least expect it. From trying various sleep aids to navigating midnight bathroom trips, the quest for peaceful slumber can feel daunting. Discovering small comforts, like a handmade lavender pillow, and seeking out calming rituals can offer solace, but the challenge remains. If you’re seeking guidance on home insemination, check out this resource for more information. You can also read about sleep’s impact on health at this site. For insights into the IVF process, this guide is an excellent resource.