After arriving home from work, I noticed that my partner, Sarah, and I hadn’t shared a kiss yet. Normally, we do, but with three young children under 10, the chaos often overshadows those tender moments. Sarah was busy preparing dinner, while our youngest, a toddler in a onesie, clung to her leg, demanding attention. Meanwhile, my two older kids, Ethan and Mia, were embroiled in a math homework dispute—Ethan insisting he could help, and Mia insisting she wanted Mom.
This is often what greets me when I step through the door: a whirlwind of activity. Just the other day, I stumbled across a series of paintings on Bored Panda that portrayed couples in love—images of affectionate embraces and serene moments. One particular painting featured a woman reaching for tomatoes at the kitchen counter, her partner wrapping his arms around her lovingly. Those images evoke nostalgia, reminding me of the beautiful moments Sarah and I have shared over our 13 years together. But with children around, the scene rarely resembles a romantic artwork. Instead, it sometimes feels more like a business arrangement.
At times, I catch Sarah’s glance, her lips pressed tightly, eyes wide with the silent plea for assistance. In those moments, the urge to embrace her and share a kiss is overshadowed by the immediate demands of parenting. I quickly dropped my bag, changed our youngest, and attempted to mediate the disagreement between Ethan and Mia as if I were defusing a bomb over the phone. Sarah continued preparing dinner, and when it was finally ready, we set the table together and shared a meal as a family.
Throughout the evening, conversation was sparse. We skipped the usual inquiries about each other’s day, and physical touch was absent. We had settled into a rhythm of cooperation, managing our household efficiently. While it may not seem romantic, there is something profoundly beautiful about this understanding. We no longer need to ask how we can assist one another; we instinctively know our roles in keeping our family moving forward.
Unfortunately, many perceive moments like this as signs of complacency or a waning spark in the relationship. However, I believe it’s a natural phase of marriage and parenting. The reality is that love and partnership do not always manifest as grand gestures; sometimes, they resemble business partners tackling the complexities of family life.
It can look like strategizing how to handle the kids or backing each other up during discipline. It even involves appreciating the beauty in someone who didn’t have time to change out of their sweatpants that day. This doesn’t mean we should resign ourselves to a lack of romance—kisses, affection, and sweet moments still matter. It’s essential to recognize that amidst the chaos, we have found a partner who is equally committed to the demanding task of parenting.
Once the kids were tucked in, the dishes washed, and the day winding down, I called out to Sarah from the hallway, “You haven’t kissed me.” She turned to face me, echoing my words. After a moment of silent acknowledgment, we moved toward each other and shared a kiss. For a fleeting moment, we resembled that couple from the paintings. But just as quickly, we heard a creak down the hall—our toddler had emerged from her room. Without a word, I set Sarah free, scooped up our little one, and returned her to bed. The romance would have to wait, at least for now.
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Summary
Parenting often transforms the dynamics of marriage, turning couples into co-managers of a bustling household rather than romantic partners. While the chaos may obscure intimate moments, there’s a unique beauty in the mutual understanding and teamwork required to navigate family life. Recognizing that partnership amidst the busyness can foster a deeper appreciation for one another, even if romance occasionally takes a backseat.