The thought of having children was never foreign to me. From a young age, I dreamt of pregnancy and motherhood — that is, until I became a mom through adoption before I even had the chance to conceive. Embracing my role as a mother to my son felt like a calling, something I was destined to do, and the responsibility I took on filled a void I didn’t know existed.
However, this sentiment isn’t shared by a growing number of Americans. According to a recent study from the Pew Research Center, 56% of childless adults aged 18 to 49 plan to remain without children. Various factors contribute to this trend, with financial and medical concerns topping the list. The pandemic has reshaped many aspects of life, including the previously rising birth rates.
Even before the pandemic, the U.S. birth rate was on a downward trajectory, a trend that began after the Great Recession in 2008. In 2019, the birth rate for individuals aged 15 to 44 was 58.3 births per 1,000 women, a decline of 1% from the previous year.
Financial stresses are undeniably a significant factor. As expenses rise, opting against parenthood becomes a more appealing choice.
For example, Emma, a 49-year-old New Yorker, shared her reasons for choosing not to have children. “I recognized early on that motherhood wasn’t for me. After being diagnosed with bipolar disorder in college and starting medication, I knew I couldn’t safely carry a pregnancy. Moreover, my lack of desire to have children made it clear that I should let those who truly want kids take on that role. I adore children and even write children’s books, but I’m more suited to being the fun aunt,” she explained.
Similarly, Alex, a 43-year-old woman, also knew from an early age that motherhood wasn’t in her future. She remarked, “I’ve always dreamed of traveling and making significant changes in the world. After babysitting as a teen, I realized parenting was a full-time commitment that wasn’t right for me. I admire parents, but it’s crucial to fully embrace that role, and it simply didn’t align with my aspirations.”
As for me, I am a mother of three, and I unexpectedly welcomed twins during my only pregnancy. Overnight, my wife and I found ourselves responsible for three little beings, which can be quite the financial strain. A 2015 survey indicated that families with a middle-income of $57,000 to $107,000 might spend nearly $13,000 per child each year. In total, raising a child from birth to age 17 can exceed $200,000. This staggering figure certainly makes one reconsider expanding their family (for me, it also coincided with my hysterectomy).
Children can also place pressure on relationships. A study spanning eight years revealed couples with kids experienced a much steeper decline in relationship satisfaction. Let’s face it: not everyone is cut out to be a parent. I commend those who recognize this truth.
Parenthood is an ongoing journey with no sick days, do-overs, or any clear guidelines. Each day presents its own set of challenges, especially when resources are tight and energy is low.
Ultimately, the decision to have or not have children is a deeply personal one. I respect everyone’s choices, including Emma and Alex, who exemplify how knowing oneself can clarify life decisions. While I embraced motherhood, I wholeheartedly understand and support those who decide otherwise.
If you’re interested in exploring more about parenthood and fertility, check out this helpful resource or visit this insightful blog for expert advice on pregnancy and home insemination.