The Long Farewell is a poignant memoir chronicling the experience of Lisa, who lost her mother to cancer in 2008. At just 32 years old, Lisa faced the unimaginable grief of losing her mother, who was only 55. Such profound sorrow can serve as a difficult yet invaluable lesson in the pursuit of joy, and I anticipated that Lisa would have meaningful insights to share on this subject.
Gretchen: What’s a simple activity that consistently boosts your happiness?
Lisa: Taking walks. I used to run frequently, and while it brought me joy (even though I dreaded lacing up my shoes), an injury requiring surgery sidelined me. This occurred about nine months after my mother passed, and running had been one of my coping mechanisms. It was a real struggle. However, I discovered that walking could be just as fulfilling. Gradually, I’ve learned that slowing down and absorbing my surroundings—rather than rushing through them—might be beneficial for my well-being.
Reading also elevates my mood. Classics like Anne of Green Gables or T.H. White’s The Once and Future King are my go-to comfort reads, especially during tough times. I also find joy in learning. In The Book of Merlyn, a prequel to The Once and Future King, there’s a passage that resonated deeply with me after my mother’s death: “The best thing for being sad… is to learn something. That is the only thing that never fails.”
What’s a lesson about happiness that you wish you had known when you were 18?
I’ve come to understand that happiness is fleeting. When I feel down, I remind myself that the discomfort will eventually pass. Yet, some forms of pain linger and profoundly impact us, a truth I learned after my mother’s death. This shaping of our experiences can be challenging, but it’s not entirely negative.
Is there a recurring habit that hinders your happiness?
Definitely not getting enough sleep or exercise—those are the obvious ones. Less obvious is my tendency towards workaholism. Sometimes, I catch myself feeling isolated and realize I haven’t connected with friends in days. Being alone usually brings me down, even though I often think a little solitude will recharge me.
“I learned to loosen up a bit because I faced my greatest fear and came out stronger.”
Do you have a happiness mantra that you find helpful?
My mother often reminded me to “Lighten up, Lisa,” whenever I stressed over trivial matters. It was her way of saying, “Don’t let the small stuff get to you.” She was aware of my anxiety and tendency to obsess, often allowing little issues to darken my outlook. Since her passing, I remind myself of this phrase, especially when I dwell on past mistakes or unfulfilled wishes.
What behaviors do you notice in others that either enhance or detract from their happiness?
Many people get caught up in trivial worries and overlook the importance of gratitude. Actively practicing gratitude can significantly alter one’s day. After my mother died, I found that the only way to navigate my grief was to seek out beauty in small things. It sounds cliché, but I committed to finding several lovely moments each day, refusing to let anxiety overshadow them.
Do you actively work on your happiness? If so, how?
I do put effort into cultivating happiness. After my mother passed away, she essentially encouraged me to find joy in life again. I now pay more attention to routine tasks—like going to bed at a consistent time, eating healthily, and getting daily exercise. I also try to be mindful of my feelings, recognizing when certain interactions leave me drained. Most worries I have are inconsequential in the grand scheme of things. I maintain a somewhat silly habit of reminding myself how vast the universe is, and how small my worries truly are.
Have you ever been surprised by what brought you happiness or disappointment?
Great question! I once relocated to a larger apartment in a quieter area, thinking it would enhance my happiness. Instead, I found myself missing the vibrancy of being around others and preferred my smaller, more connected living situation. The biggest surprise, however, came after my mother’s death. Initially, I believed that nothing good could ever come from that loss, but over time, I’ve discovered that it helped me grow. I learned to relax in unexpected ways because I survived my greatest fear. Ironically, I found myself more appreciative and able to find humor in life’s absurdities—especially regarding my own shortcomings. Loss can connect you with others who have endured similar pain; through my grief, I formed friendships with those who reached out to support me, fostering a bond that might not have developed otherwise.
For more insights and resources on navigating these challenges, check out this article. Additionally, this site provides valuable authority on postpartum topics, while the CDC offers excellent resources for pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, Lisa’s journey through grief has taught her invaluable lessons about embracing life’s fleeting moments and the importance of connection, gratitude, and self-awareness in the pursuit of happiness.