During pregnancy and in those early days of motherhood, you’ll encounter a flood of unsolicited advice. You’ll hear everything from “cherish every moment” to “rest when the baby rests.” Really?
I may not have all the answers, but there’s one critical piece of advice I wish someone had shared with me when I welcomed my first child: Don’t be the mom who thinks she knows it all.
I see you, new mom with a control-freak mentality. You’re just like I was—devouring books, scouring the internet, and drafting endless lists. You believe that knowledge will prepare you for everything your baby might need, but listen to me, a weary mom of five: you’re setting yourself up for burnout. No matter if you have one child or several, you do NOT want to be the expert. Here’s why:
Let’s rewind to the days when I had my first child. My husband was home for two weeks to help us settle in, but I took the lead in caring for our little one. I was the one who spent the most time with him, after all, and I had read all the latest parenting books! So, I managed his feedings, diaper changes, and daily schedule, often interjecting “helpful” advice to my husband on how he should hold or soothe our baby. If he tried to intervene, I’d quickly swoop in to take over.
Fast forward to last Saturday morning in my home.
I woke up early, prepared breakfast because only I knew what the kids liked to eat that day. I directed them on what to wear for soccer practice, even though they had been playing for months. I was the one who knew where all their gear was located (shinguards, cleats, uniforms included).
As we prepared to leave, I found myself crouched down tying shoelaces while my husband caught up on his tablet. He wasn’t getting the kids ready because he didn’t know the routine like I did. I handed him the bag with extra clothes, lunch, and water bottles while fielding a barrage of questions from the kids. It was only 9 a.m., and I was already exhausted from the endless planning and decision-making.
In the afternoon, my so-called “downtime” was consumed by emails from schools, coaches, and various committees all reminding me of tasks. I was picking library hours for my kids and figuring out which birthday parties to attend, all while feeling guilty about the kids glued to the TV. And what was my husband doing? Downloading music on his iPod!
When dinner time rolled around, it was time for our regular Saturday pizza order. Despite ordering from the same place every week for years—336 times to be exact—my husband still waited for me to tell him to place the order and what type of pizza to get. I’d conditioned him not to make any decisions regarding the kids.
So, who would you prefer to be? The overburdened call center or the engaged parent who’s having fun with the kids?
If you’re not cautious, you may end up just like me. You may complain like many moms do, but ultimately, it’s on you. You trained your partner from day one to rely on your expertise and not to make decisions without your guidance. Now he’s stuck waiting in the wings for instruction.
So, STOP! Embrace stains, mismatched outfits, and even a little chaos. Let your partner handle things his way, even if it’s messy. Letting go can actually lead to more happiness and perhaps even moments of peace for you. And when you return home to chaos, zip your lips and resist the urge to criticize that spill on the carpet.
I’m working on changing my ways, but honestly, it may be too late for me. I really hope to save you from the same fate. You’ll thank me later.
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Summary
In the journey of motherhood, it’s easy to fall into the trap of wanting to control every aspect of your child’s life. This article emphasizes the importance of letting go and allowing your partner to take on responsibilities, even if things get messy. Embracing imperfections can lead to a more enjoyable parenting experience.