I stumbled upon a Facebook post from an old acquaintance, someone I hadn’t connected with in years. He had become passionate about marathons and motivational speaking, so I probably should have braced myself. But when he announced the name of his newborn and captioned a picture of the local birthing center with, “[Wife] nailed it!” it felt like a punch to the gut. The accompanying photo featured his wife looking glamorous, the baby clad in frilly attire, with the words “About an hour later!” splashed across it.
I couldn’t help but feel a surge of inexplicable frustration and typed back, “Congrats! Can’t believe she had time for makeup and a dressed baby just an hour after giving birth!”
“Actually, it was closer to 90 minutes,” he replied.
I understand that social media often presents a curated version of reality, and that perfectly styled image with lace and lipstick doesn’t tell the entire story. Initially, I was irritated by the idea of a woman getting all dolled up so soon after labor. The hippie in me thought she might be missing crucial bonding time with her newborn. However, what truly troubled me was the term “nailed it,” especially in the context of a natural birth. You don’t “nail” childbirth; it’s not a competition.
Using the word “nailed” implies a sense of triumph over an opponent, suggesting that childbirth is something to be conquered. If you can “nail” childbirth, it implies that childbirth can also defeat you. What if my friend’s wife had needed pain relief, or had expressed doubts about continuing? These are common reactions during labor, and let’s be honest: giving birth is excruciating. If you “nail” it, does that mean you didn’t scream or ask for help?
Moreover, if you can “nail” a natural birth, what does that say about other types? All forms of childbirth are natural; the baby is coming out, regardless of the method. But let’s assume my friend was referring specifically to unmedicated births. Does this imply that those who opt for medication somehow have less valid experiences? What if a woman ends up needing a C-section—does that mean she didn’t “nail” it? This competitive language turns childbirth into a game of winning and losing, which is not the reality.
The only real victory in childbirth is bringing a healthy baby into the world. Even if complications arise, the journey of pregnancy and delivery is an achievement in itself. Each mother’s experience is unique, and everyone emerges victorious when a baby is born.
When we frame childbirth as a competition, we risk pitting mothers against one another. What about the mother whose infant requires time in the NICU? Or the woman induced due to health issues? Or the mom who had a home birth but found it overwhelmingly painful? Did they “nail” birth?
As for my own experience, I was transported from a birth center to a hospital for what was deemed severe pain. Despite my midwife’s initial doubts about the transfer, I was actually too ill and exhausted to continue. Upon arrival at the hospital, I was found to be severely dehydrated and received an epidural, finally able to rest after two sleepless days. I pushed for three hours and delivered a healthy, loud baby boy, but not without enduring significant tearing. It was a grueling three-day process—a mix of agony and awe.
Did I “nail” childbirth? Absolutely not. I refuse to accept that my labor experience was any less valid than anyone else’s. Every mother endures labor’s challenges and emerges on the other side, often shaken and soaked in sweat. When we turn childbirth into a contest, we diminish the experiences of all mothers involved.
We need to reshape our language surrounding birth. Instead of saying someone “nailed” it, let’s celebrate the hard work and dedication it takes to bring a child into the world. Whether a woman opts for medication, has a C-section, or embraces a natural birth, there’s no need for competition. Each journey is profound and significant in its own right.
Summary
The article reflects on the problematic language surrounding childbirth, specifically the competitive terms often used to describe a woman’s experience. It emphasizes that childbirth should not be a competition, as every mother’s journey is unique and worthy of respect. We should celebrate the effort and experience of all births, regardless of the method.