It is estimated that 1 in 6 women have faced completed or attempted rape, while reports suggest that 1 in 5 girls endure childhood sexual abuse. Although the true figures are difficult to gauge due to underreporting, self-reports indicate that 20% of women have experienced sexual assault or abuse during their childhood. This statistic resonates with me, as many of the women I know have encountered some form of sexual violence. The real question is not whether someone has been assaulted, but rather when it occurred.
It is essential to establish a respectful protocol for discussing these sensitive topics. First and foremost, we should utilize trigger warnings, despite some believing they are unnecessary. It can feel tedious to write TRIGGER WARNING BELOW in social media posts, yet trigger warnings serve a crucial purpose. They are not just for those who have never experienced sexual violence; they are for survivors who might be emotionally destabilized by reminders of their trauma. Survivors should have the autonomy to choose how and when they engage with discussions surrounding sexual assault, a right that was taken from them during their experience of victimization.
Moreover, we need to bring these conversations into the open. Building a supportive community is vital for creating a safe space for individuals to discuss their experiences. This responsibility often falls on those who are willing to share their stories, not necessarily in graphic detail, but in solidarity. For instance, I experienced childhood molestation and was raped twice while in college. By sharing my narrative, I help others feel empowered to share theirs. Through this collective storytelling, we can find healing and recognize that we are not alone, that we are not to blame, and that our experiences do not define us.
When someone confides in us about their assault, we must approach the conversation with the same reverence as we would if we were receiving news of a death. In many ways, this disclosure marks the end of a person’s sexual innocence and control over their body. The appropriate response is a simple, “I’m so sorry. How can I support you?” Avoid offering physical comfort unless it’s explicitly welcomed. Your reaction should never shift the focus back to you; expressing shock or disbelief undermines the gravity of their experience.
Resist the instinct to inquire about the details—questions such as “What happened?” or “Did you report it?” can feel intrusive. If the survivor wishes to disclose details, they will do so in their own time. Your role is to provide support and ensure that the conversation remains centered on them. Should they choose to share, your sole job is to listen attentively. Affirm their feelings with responses like “I am so sorry” or “That should never have happened to you.”
Importantly, never question the validity of their experience. Phrases like “Are you sure it happened that way?” can shut down open dialogue and inflict further harm. Instead, focus on acknowledging their truth without judgment.
For those of us who are also survivors, it’s crucial to practice self-care. If discussing these topics becomes too triggering, it’s perfectly acceptable to excuse yourself from the conversation. Prioritize your well-being and seek support if needed. If the conversation stirs up anxiety or distress, speaking with a therapist might be beneficial.
Sexual assault is a harrowing experience that alters lives, and we must foster an environment where individuals feel safe to share their stories. Only through compassionate listening can we help lift the burden of shame that has historically surrounded these discussions.
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In summary, creating a supportive environment for discussing sexual assault is crucial. By listening without judgment and allowing survivors to share their experiences at their own pace, we contribute to healing and understanding.