A few weeks ago, I finally indulged in a bath—complete with bubbles and candles. It’s a rare occurrence for me, happening only every seven or eight months. Relaxation? Not really. But I persistently try, hoping for a moment of peace. I stopped locking the bathroom door years ago; honestly, I’d rather deal with unexpected guests than listen to the chaos erupting outside.
“Mom, are you almost done? What’s taking so long? Move over, I was here first! Stop hitting me! Mom, he just hit me! I need to go potty RIGHT NOW!”
We have four bathrooms in our home. Four. Yet, the lesser evil is to leave the door unlocked and cross my fingers.
I managed to enjoy about six glorious minutes of solitude before my first intruder appeared. She walked in, closed the toilet lid, and made herself more comfortable on it than I ever have in a bath. “Why are you taking a bath, Mom? You never do that.”
Before I could respond, the second guest burst in with enthusiasm. “Mommy! You’re in the bath! Can I watch?”
“No, and aren’t you supposed to be doing homework?”
“Oh yeah, I’ll go get it.”
“Wait. What?”
She was back in no time, sitting beside the tub with her homework in hand. “I need help with my homework, Mommy.”
Meanwhile, the first visitor chimed in, “Mom is trying to take a bath! Right, Mom?”
“Yes, dear, I appreciate your support,” I replied, while the first child perched on the toilet, innocently pointing out, “Mom, I can see your… maybe you should cover up with a washcloth or something?”
“Oh, I’m sorry. Am I making you uncomfortable? You see, it’s customary in many cultures to remove clothing before entering a bathtub filled with water. Just a little life lesson for you.”
Then, Uninvited Guest #3 arrived, turning the situation into a full-on party. “MOMMY! Why you takin a bath? Can I come in?”
“No, Buddy. Go find your Dad (Where on earth is he?!)”
“Okay, Mommy, be right back.”
“Perfect,” I thought.
“Mommy, do you like taking a bath?” asked Guest #2.
“Sometimes more than others,” I replied, trying to savor the moment.
“Mom, the bubbles are going away. Are you sure you don’t want a washcloth or something?”
“Nope, I’m fine. Thanks for your concern! Now, how about you get out?”
Then, in came Guest #3, racing toward me like a toddler on a sugar rush. “I yike takin a bath with you, Mommy!”
“Just hand me the washcloth, please.”
And that, my friends, sums up “me time” as a mother.
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Summary:
This humorous piece captures the chaotic reality of trying to enjoy a simple bath as a mother, where tranquility is often interrupted by the demands of children. The article emphasizes the challenges of self-care amidst parenting while providing resources for those interested in home insemination and skincare.