My son was designated female at birth (DFAB), determined solely by biological characteristics. While many individuals find that their gender identity aligns with their assigned sex, this isn’t universally true. My son, like countless others, grapples with gender dysphoria, a profound discomfort felt when one’s external appearance does not align with their internal sense of self.
During the early days of embracing my son’s truth, a mother asked, “He’s going to tell people about it, right? Especially when he starts dating?” She emphasized her belief in the necessity of complete transparency, expressing concern that her daughter might fall in love with someone only to later discover he is transgender.
I can’t blame this woman for her question; it arose from a place of genuine concern and the unfamiliarity of the subject. It’s natural for parents to want to protect their children from potential heartbreak, yet I found myself bristling at the assumptions embedded in her words.
Let’s Clarify Some Key Terms
- A child who identifies with their assigned gender is considered cisgender.
- A child who identifies with the opposite gender is transgender.
- If a child identifies outside the traditional categories of male or female, they may be non-binary.
- If they are comfortable with more than one gender, they are gender fluid.
- If they experience a lack of gender identity, they are agender.
Ultimately, how your child identifies is their prerogative. Their sexual orientation, which exists separately from gender identity, is also theirs to define. Furthermore, the relationships they choose to pursue are entirely their decision.
As a parent, I understand the instinct to envision your child’s future. We ponder their career paths, friendships, and potential families. However, it’s crucial to realize that our influence over their lives is limited. You cannot control their health, interests, or who they fall in love with, rendering “what if” questions largely irrelevant.
What you can do is encourage them to think independently, set firm standards, and live authentically. Teach them the values of honesty, bravery, compassion, and self-acceptance. It’s vital for them to trust themselves and navigate their lives in ways that feel true to them. Everything else will eventually fall into place.
Returning to the concerned mother, she asked, “He’s going to tell people, right?” My son, now a teenager, presents as a young man. He sports short hair, dresses in typical male attire, and carries himself with a masculine demeanor. His name is distinctly male. So, what is there to announce?
The mother continued, “He’ll reveal he’s transgender when he starts dating, won’t he?” I question whether it’s his responsibility to issue a formal statement regarding his identity. Typically, people do not start conversations with, “Hi, I’m Lila, and I’m cisgender.”
Yet, societal perceptions are evolving. Social norms are changing. A quick scroll through social media reveals many profiles proudly displaying preferred pronouns or adorned with pride flags. It is evident that the LGBTQ+ community is becoming increasingly visible, and it’s essential to acknowledge this shift.
Her statement, “It wouldn’t be right for my daughter to discover she’s in love with a transgender man,” overlooks the complexities of forming a relationship. Falling in love encompasses common interests, friendship, and mutual attraction—none of which hinge on a person’s gender identity.
We must recognize that worrying about someone falling in love before fully discussing identities is unnecessary. The notion that my son would intentionally mislead someone in a relationship is presumptive and unfair. Anyone who would engage in deceitful behavior, regardless of their identity, likely has deeper character issues unrelated to gender.
This brings us back to our role in shaping our children’s futures. We should guide them to be kind, compassionate individuals.
To Conclude
I pose a few questions:
- What if it was your child who hurt mine?
- What if your child chose to date a transgender person?
- What if your own child came to you and said, “I’m transgender”?
For those interested in learning more about the experiences surrounding gender identity and relationships, I recommend checking out this blog post for additional perspectives. Also, for an authoritative take on insemination topics, you might explore insights from this resource. Lastly, if you’re curious about the IVF process, you can find excellent information here.
In summary, it is essential to foster an environment of trust and acceptance while respecting the individuality of your child. The journey through understanding gender identity is complex, but with open dialogue and respect, we can navigate it together.