Can you do self-insemination at home ?
Have you ever found yourself speechless in response to something someone said? I experienced that recently when I unearthed an old shirt from my closet—a black, long-sleeved top with a low neckline that I used to wear while dealing cards. It took me back to a moment when my so-called friend, Alex, accused me of “dressing like a skank.” I want to explore why that remark infuriated me.
Perhaps I’m unique in this view, but I truly don’t care what others choose to wear. If you feel the same, you’re not alone—judging someone based on their clothing is just plain absurd. During my time dealing blackjack, my boss allowed us to wear whatever we liked, as long as it was reasonable. This isn’t common everywhere, but in the nightlife industry, certain attire is expected. My employer recognized that a woman’s clothing choices do not define her work ethic. It’s worth noting that men rarely face the same scrutiny for their fashion choices.
Now, back to the criticism. “You dress like a skank, and this is a children’s event,” Alex declared, the first time he saw me in that shirt. He had hired me to perform in a pit orchestra and dropped by the bar to deliver my music. Upon entering, he took one look at my outfit and frowned before approaching me. At first, I thought his expression was simply due to nerves. How could anyone object to a shirt?
Looking back, though, it was clear he was judging me. The next time he visited, he brought along his grumpy boyfriend for a card tournament and decided to share his unsolicited thoughts. We had been getting along well until that moment. Ironically, I had even sought Alex’s approval on a dress I was considering for the show, worried about my tattoos showing. But Alex had different concerns.
After glancing at my dress photo on my phone, he casually sipped his beer and told me, “Yeah, the dress is fine. Thank God. We need to get you more conservative clothes. You dress like a skank and this is a children’s show.”
What?! His words were so blunt and devoid of humor that I knew they weren’t a joke. When I reacted with surprise, he added, “I can say that. I’m gay.”
Why does slut-shaming still exist? The fight for women’s rights aimed to secure the freedom to express ourselves, doesn’t it? I don’t understand how a simple top from a discount store could provoke such a reaction. There are even girls in schools being sent home for “distracting clothing.” In response, students are staging protests. Tragically, young women have even lost their lives because of such harmful language.
Clothing is just clothing, and unkind opinions should remain unspoken. I never commented on Alex’s questionable haircut, yet he felt entitled to critique my appearance. Yes, I’ve been labeled in various ways over the years, but my wardrobe choices are mine to make, just as his are his. I was raised to respect others’ choices unless someone is genuinely in trouble.
Let’s also address Alex’s use of the “I’m gay” card to justify his behavior. Just because someone identifies as LGBTQ does not give them a free pass to be rude. If I wanted to, I could have remarked on his promiscuous lifestyle—after all, I’m bisexual, too. But that’s not how decent people operate.
Over time, his “concern” wore me down. I wore the dress on opening night, pretending not to notice his judgment when a pianist complimented me. Throughout the show’s run, he continued to scrutinize me.
Eventually, during another visit, Alex pointed out my company t-shirt, which was perfectly acceptable. “We’re going to be performing in a lot of churches, and sweetheart, you’re just never appropriate. I worried about giving you the job, but I don’t know anyone else who can play the music,” he said as another dealer walked by wearing the exact same shirt.
This time, I remained silent. Alex continued his critiques but eventually, I decided to distance myself from him. Ghosting him might not be the ideal way to end a friendship, but negativity can be overwhelming. He often claimed, “I’m trying to help you,” but that’s not how friendships should work.
Women do not need assistance to be “acceptable.” We know how we present ourselves. A woman could walk around in her underwear and still be the same person—so why does society care so much about our choices? It’s simple: let people be themselves.
If you can’t be your true self around someone, it might be time to move on, even if it means losing a friend. Alex still tries to reach out, but I believe it’s best we remain apart. If we ever cross paths again, you can bet I’d wear my “skank shirt” just to see his reaction.
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Summary:
This article explores the impact of judgment regarding women’s clothing choices, as highlighted by a friend’s inappropriate comment about the author’s outfit. It discusses the broader implications of slut-shaming and emphasizes the importance of personal expression, respect, and the need for friendship without criticism.