By Clara Benson
Originally Published: January 13, 2015
When I went through my first miscarriage, my phone was inundated with calls and messages filled with condolences and supportive sentiments. Despite the flood of well-intentioned words, I felt an overwhelming sense of isolation. What I truly needed at that moment was a space to express my anger and grief—to vent my frustrations. Instead, I was met with unsolicited advice and shared experiences, which often felt dismissive.
Through this experience, I learned some important lessons about supporting friends during such a painful time. Here are phrases to avoid and more suitable alternatives when comforting someone who has suffered a miscarriage.
DON’T SAY: “I’ve been there.”
This might come off as trivializing their pain. Even if you’ve had a similar experience, it does not equate to their unique journey.
SAY THIS: “I remember when I experienced my miscarriage…”
This approach invites sharing without overshadowing their feelings. It allows you to connect through your own experience while still prioritizing their emotions.
DON’T SAY: “It’ll get better.”
This phrase can feel empty. What may have improved for you isn’t a guaranteed outcome for them.
SAY THIS: “It became easier for me over time.”
Offering your perspective on healing can provide hope without making promises that can’t be kept.
DON’T SAY: “You’ll have another baby.”
This statement can come off as dismissive. The loss of one child doesn’t mean another can easily replace them.
SAY THIS: “I’m here for you.”
Acknowledging the loss without directing the conversation to future pregnancies respects their current grief.
DON’T SAY: “You weren’t that far along, so it wasn’t really a baby yet.”
This minimizes the emotional bond that can form at any stage of pregnancy.
SAY THIS: “I’m so sorry for your loss.”
This simple acknowledgment honors their grief and recognizes the significance of their loss.
Every individual copes with miscarriage differently. The most important thing you can offer is your presence and willingness to listen. If you feel compelled to share more, do so with empathy and kindness. For additional insights on fertility and emotional well-being, consider checking out resources on boosting fertility supplements and natural ingredients. Another great resource for understanding pregnancy and home insemination is Facts About Fertility.
In summary, when supporting a friend through the heartache of a miscarriage, it’s crucial to choose your words carefully. Offer empathy, listen attentively, and focus on their feelings rather than directing the conversation elsewhere.