Parenting Insights
Let me share a little insight into what no one really prepares you for when you become a dad.
First off, let’s cover some of the things you do hear about welcoming a new baby into your life:
- Caring for an infant can be utterly overwhelming; you’ll find yourself covered in baby powder while dodging unexpected showers.
- You’ll need to shift your priorities; say goodbye to spontaneous outings with friends and late-night movies (unless they’re classics like Titanic).
- Your own needs will take a back seat; your life will revolve around this new tiny human.
- You can become the “fun dad”—whether that means taking your child to the playground or painting nails with your daughter, you’ll have your share of laughter.
- And yes, intimacy may feel like a distant memory.
But let’s be real—many of these notions are exaggerated. You may feel swamped at first, but with time, you’ll find your rhythm. You can still make room for friends, engage in recreational leagues, and catch your favorite shows like Entourage. Your needs might shift, but they still matter; it’s just about finding the right moments to address them. Instead of focusing on being the “cool dad,” you’ll prioritize your child’s happiness, and you’ll soon realize that the idyllic moments shared in photos often come right before a dramatic meltdown. And don’t worry, you will get to see your partner sans breast pump again.
However, there’s something deeper about fatherhood that often goes unspoken and is truly unique to the experience—something that reshapes your entire perspective on life. Let’s be clear: not being a father doesn’t make you any less of a man; that notion is outdated. You don’t need to father a child to lead a fulfilling life.
Here’s my personal story. My twin daughters were born in April, making me a father to three children all under the age of two. The twins were initially expected to arrive in June, leading to a six-week stay in the NICU as they gradually gained strength. Hannah was the first to come home, followed a week later by Quinn. For the first time, all three kids were finally together under one roof, an immense relief after the intensity of the NICU experience.
But just a week and a half after we settled in, we noticed Quinn appeared unusually pale and lethargic. Within an hour, she was receiving CPR at the emergency room after stopping breathing. Shortly after, she was intubated and placed in a specialized incubator before being airlifted to a top children’s hospital. We learned she had pneumonia and a cold, an incredibly dangerous combination for a six-pound newborn. Remarkably, Hannah had the same cold, yet she was fine.
My wife and I spent countless hours at Quinn’s bedside, her tiny frame dwarfed by the medical equipment surrounding her. It was during this agonizing moment that I truly grasped the depth of fatherhood. Witnessing a tear streamed down my baby’s cheek as she was intubated, hearing her muffled cries, and feeling helpless as she lay alone in the hospital—these moments drove home the point that being a dad transcends mere titles or social media posts. It’s a profound commitment that reshapes your very essence.
Fatherhood gives you a new purpose that surpasses anything you’ve experienced before. You will find that your former mental barriers about giving up certain things fade away because your child’s needs will take precedence over everything else. You don’t even need a life-threatening situation to feel this; it might happen when your daughter flashes you her first smile or when your son clings to your hand out of fear. It could even be during those exhausting days when your baby finally falls asleep on your chest. Embrace that feeling and understand its significance: you are now a father.
As Father’s Day approaches on June 21, take a moment to reflect on your journey into fatherhood. Appreciate the incredible role you play in your child’s life. Oh, and as for my daughter? After over a week in the hospital, she’s finally back home. All three kids are together again under one roof. Happy Father’s Day to me!
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