Parenting Insights
By Mia Thompson
Updated: November 19, 2020
Originally Published: September 26, 2017
When it comes to teaching young children, grasping the different stages of child development is crucial. Understanding age-appropriate behavior is essential, and it’s vital to approach children with patience and empathy, especially at the preschool level. This is why a recent newsletter shared by a parent from a local preschool left many of us scratching our heads in confusion.
The letter begins by acknowledging that it’s now the second month of preschool and swiftly shifts into a two-paragraph admonishment of both the children and their parents:
“We survived a challenging first month filled with tears, attitudes, reluctance to listen, and too much chatter instead of sitting quietly when asked. We work on these issues every day at school, but we need your assistance from home too. We understand that children prefer to play and talk, but that’s not how school operates. Preschool is a stepping stone to ‘big’ school, and mastering these behaviors is vital for their future.”
The letter goes on to request that parents dedicate five to ten minutes each day to practice skills such as sharing and remaining seated. The underlying tone was one of frustration, suggesting that parents should take charge of their children’s behavior at home to ensure a smooth transition into learning activities.
Whoa. My jaw nearly hit the floor when I read the mention of “attitudes.” There are multiple issues with this communication, and it’s hard to know where to begin.
Let’s remember that preschoolers are typically 3 or 4 years old. One of the children in the class is not even 3 yet! At this tender age, they are just starting to navigate basic verbal communication, many are still in diapers, and naps are often a necessity. Their attention spans are notoriously short, making it unreasonable to expect them to comply with adult expectations all the time.
Let’s take a closer look at the reasons behind the “difficult” first month:
Tears
Yes, preschoolers cry. They’re still learning to manage their emotions, which can be overwhelming. If they aren’t accustomed to being away from their parents, that separation can lead to tears, too. Emotional responses are a normal part of their development, especially in new environments.
Attitudes and Reluctance
At this age, children are beginning to express their independence, even if they lack the skills to manage it. Expecting complete willingness from preschoolers to follow rules or sit quietly is unrealistic. Engaging them and encouraging compliance is a nuanced skill that takes time and care.
Rule Following
Most preschools enforce simple rules like “Use indoor voices,” “Keep hands to yourself,” and “Be kind.” However, it’s unreasonable to expect young children to remember all these rules right away. Learning to follow rules is part of what preschool is all about, and it requires patience and consistent reinforcement.
Sitting Still
The expectation for a 3-year-old to sit in a chair for long periods is simply not practical. Preschoolers learn best through active exploration. Holding them to adult standards of behavior in a learning environment is misguided.
Preparation for “Big” School
The notion that preschoolers should practice sitting quietly and coloring because they’ll need to do so in kindergarten is a flawed comparison. The developmental differences between a 3-year-old and a 6-year-old are significant. Preschools should cater to the unique needs of young children rather than imposing unrealistic expectations on them.
Working Parents
There was a subtle jab at working parents in the letter, particularly after asking them to devote a few minutes each day to their child’s development. The implication seems to be that if parents weren’t so busy, they could better prepare their children for preschool.
The parent who shared this letter felt reprimanded as a mother. “Initially, it made me uneasy,” she stated. “Then, my frustration grew. It felt condescending, as if I wasn’t doing my part as a stay-at-home mom.”
Even the approach taken to convey these criticisms was poor. A more effective strategy could have started with positive feedback, followed by areas for improvement, and concluded with encouragement. Jumping straight to complaints about toddlers is not only unhelpful but also likely to alienate parents.
While I try to give educators the benefit of the doubt, I find it hard to justify the tone of this newsletter—especially with only eight children in the class. If managing this small group is overwhelming, perhaps the teacher might need to reconsider her approach to preschool education. If I received a letter like this about my child, I’d be out of there faster than you can say “crayon caddy.” After all, educators who focus on the negatives of 3-year-olds’ behavior have no business teaching them.
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In summary, the newsletter from the preschool raises more questions than answers. It highlights the unrealistic expectations placed upon preschoolers and their parents, emphasizing the need for understanding and patience in early childhood education.