Every month, I gather with an inspiring group of women to discuss our latest book and share our life experiences. We indulge in chocolate and sip on some wine as we reflect on the events that have unfolded since our last gathering.
During our recent meeting, the topic of body image and beauty—issues that resonate deeply with women—came to the forefront. One of my friends, a teacher, recounted an incident at her school involving first-grade girls. While playing on the playground, they decided to form a gymnastics club, but they told another girl, who didn’t take gymnastics, that she couldn’t join unless she was “skinny.” This comment was made without malice; it was simply a reflection of something the girl had heard from her coach.
The girl who was turned away went home and asked her mother, who is slim, how she could become thinner. It’s important to note that this child is not overweight; she is just a typical 6-year-old whose body has yet to fully develop. Her mother, confused and concerned, sought answers from the school about why her daughter, who is far too young to be fixated on body image, felt the need to change her appearance.
Children don’t yet understand these societal pressures, but as adults, we must lead by example. How damaging is it for a young girl to internalize the idea that she’s not thin enough for something as innocent as a playground gymnastics club? This notion can haunt her for years, perpetuating a cycle of self-doubt.
I remember being that little girl myself. At age six, my family struggled financially, yet they made sacrifices to enroll me in ballet classes. I was tall and a bit awkward; my mother affectionately referred to me as big-boned. I was not overweight, but I was larger than some of my peers. During a discussion about my ballet lessons, my instructor—an actual French ballerina—remarked that I might be too “fat” for ballet and that my mother should save her money. This was delivered in a straightforward manner, leaving no room for debate.
While it’s true that certain body types may excel in specific activities like ballet or gymnastics, encouraging young girls to focus on achieving a thinner physique is fundamentally misguided. They should be free to enjoy their childhoods, playing on the playground, joining gymnastics clubs, or twirling like the ballerinas they dream of becoming, without the pressure to conform to a specific body standard.
Coaches and instructors often intend to guide their students toward success, but when they use body image as a measure of potential, it crosses a line. Not all coaches are so fixated on winning that they would demean a child’s worth based on their size—many are nurturing mentors, and they deserve recognition for their positive influence.
Nevertheless, we still face a significant issue. I spent my teenage and early adult years battling with my self-image, believing I needed to be thin to be considered beautiful, successful, or accepted. While not all of those struggles stemmed from that ballet instructor, early negative comments can leave deep scars. When we tell young girls they can’t participate in an activity based on their appearance, we risk leading them down a path filled with body image issues, anxiety, and more.
It’s time to stop telling little girls they aren’t thin enough. We must reject the notion that only one body type is beautiful and stop distorting their self-perception. They should not grow hyper-aware of their bodies before they can even spell “body.” We should not instill in them the belief that beauty is their sole defining attribute.
Although I don’t have a daughter of my own, if I did, I would tell her this: “You are beautiful just as you are. You are so much more than your body. Never let anyone convince you that your appearance limits your potential. You are brave, creative, kind, strong, and more than enough.” These are the affirmations I wish someone had given me.
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Summary
It is crucial to stop perpetuating harmful beliefs about body image to young girls. The impact of negative comments about their bodies can create long-lasting issues with self-esteem and body image. We must encourage them to embrace their uniqueness and recognize their worth beyond physical appearance.