Parenting can be a challenging journey, especially for those raising children on the autism spectrum. Here are some phrases to steer clear of when speaking to parents of autistic kids, along with more supportive alternatives.
1. “He can’t be autistic because…”
During the process of seeking a diagnosis for my son, Alex, I encountered numerous dismissals of his autism. From “He made eye contact!” to “He’s not like the characters in movies!”—these comments made an already difficult time feel even more isolating. Parents often struggle to accept their child’s diagnosis, having already wrestled with many of these doubts themselves. When you question their experience, it adds to their emotional burden. Instead, consider asking, “I’m not very familiar with autism; could you share what it’s like for Alex?” This shows genuine interest and support, and allows parents to express what their child’s autism truly means to them.
2. “He’ll probably grow out of it.”
It’s been several years since Alex’s diagnosis, and the truth is, he won’t outgrow it. His autism is an integral part of his identity and contributes to his unique strengths. Dismissing this reality minimizes the hard work both he and his support team have invested. Instead, encourage acceptance by celebrating his individuality: “What are some of Alex’s interests?” This kind of inquiry shows that you appreciate him as he is.
3. “I read that autism is caused by…”
Please refrain from sharing articles that attribute autism to maternal factors or other unfounded claims. As a parent, I already struggle with guilt; the last thing I need is another study suggesting blame. Most research indicates a genetic component, and many of these claims are misleading. If you’re curious about the topic, you might say, “Are there any resources you recommend for understanding autism better?” This approach prioritizes open dialogue without unwarranted assumptions.
4. “I heard that you can cure autism by…”
This topic can be contentious and hurtful. The notion of a “cure” is often met with resistance from adults on the spectrum, who embrace their identity fully. Furthermore, countless dubious treatments circulate, risking both finances and well-being. Instead of suggesting cures, consider asking, “What resources do you find helpful for supporting Alex?” This invites constructive conversation without placing undue pressure on parents.
5. “You’re my hero!” or similar platitudes.
While well-intentioned, phrases like “God knew you could handle this” imply that special needs parents possess extraordinary abilities. The reality is that we are just regular parents navigating an atypical situation. A more meaningful approach would be to ask, “How can I assist you?” or simply saying, “You’re doing an amazing job!” This acknowledges the challenges without placing the parent on an unrealistic pedestal.
6. Silence.
Perhaps the worst response is no response at all. Autism can be an isolating experience, both for individuals and their families. It’s important to engage openly with parents about their children. Most are eager to share their stories and proud of their kids’ achievements. Instead of avoiding the topic, reach out with genuine questions. Your willingness to connect can be incredibly uplifting.
In conclusion, approaching conversations with empathy and openness can strengthen your relationships with parents of autistic children. They appreciate your willingness to understand rather than judge.
For more information on parenting journeys and resources, check out this article, and for further insights, visit Conception Journeys, an authority on this topic. Additionally, CCRM IVF offers excellent resources related to pregnancy and home insemination.