Parenting
By Emily Carter
Updated: June 1, 2021
Originally Published: July 27, 2018
The moment I found out I was expecting my last child, I began to think about birth control options for after his arrival. My partner and I have always had a strong sexual connection, and I was eager to resume intimacy following my scheduled C-section. Or so I thought.
Even though this was my second child, I had no real concept of what sex would be like post-delivery. During my first pregnancy, I was a single mother and had made the decision to abstain from any romantic involvement by the time my daughter was born. So, stepping into this new chapter, I naively assumed that most women maintained their sexual desire and that things would return to normal fairly quickly. I couldn’t have been more mistaken.
Sex after giving birth requires even more thoughtfulness than the effort it took to create that little one in the first place. Life with a newborn is a whirlwind, and, even with a supportive partner, other priorities tend to overshadow intimacy in those early weeks.
To my surprise, I wasn’t the only one experiencing a dip in libido; my husband was equally exhausted. The sleepless nights and early mornings left him catching up on rest whenever the baby napped, and his mind was far from thinking about intimacy during those rare moments of downtime.
On top of that, I didn’t feel like my old self. Although I had a C-section and could technically have sex once my incision healed, the thought of it didn’t appeal to me. It wasn’t just fatigue that was holding me back; even months later, I still felt off. Weird night sweats plagued me, my once-glorious pregnancy hair was thinning and falling out, and my breasts were still leaking. I felt anything but sexy.
Throughout this challenging time, my husband was incredibly understanding. He offered hugs as needed, complimented my appearance, and never rushed me into intimacy. Thanks to his supportive nature, I eventually decided that by the time I hit the third month of postpartum celibacy, it was time to explore intimacy again.
The first time we tried, it felt awkward. I had gained weight, and it took a moment to adjust to my new body. We were uncertain about how to navigate my changing breasts, ultimately deciding to set them aside for the time being. Still, it wasn’t long before we found our rhythm again. Surprisingly, sex turned out to be less of a chore than I had anticipated. Initially, I felt like I was doing it for him, but soon realized that the intimacy was essential for both of us. It felt liberating to reconnect, leaving me feeling rejuvenated.
We may not be quite as spontaneous as we once were before the baby. Our little one sleeps with us, requiring some creativity for our romantic encounters. Sometimes, we bribe my daughter with extra screen time while the baby naps, allowing us a brief interlude in the middle of the day. Other times, we sneak away to our bedroom after putting our son down in his crib, racing against the clock until he wakes up crying, feeling lost without us. We’ve even arranged for the kids to stay with my in-laws just so we could enjoy some private time together.
Sex after having a baby is undeniably different. Once I accepted that reality, I was able to let go of my worries and truly enjoy the experience. The extra weight, the sagging breasts, and the inevitable baby cries became less significant. As a mother, I crave that release and need to feel attractive and desired. Thankfully, my husband understands this, which has led us both to appreciate our renewed intimacy.
For more insights on navigating motherhood, you might find this article on home insemination kits helpful. Additionally, this resource on couples who successfully conceive without intercourse could provide further guidance. Lastly, for a wealth of information on pregnancy and home insemination, check out IVF Babble.
In summary, sex after having a baby is a unique journey filled with adjustments, communication, and understanding. Embracing the changes and creating space for intimacy can lead to renewed connections and a fulfilling relationship as parents.