When my partner suggests I take some time for myself—whether it’s shopping, a nail appointment, or a dinner with friends without the kids—it’s always a delightful opportunity. As a stay-at-home mom, the chance to trade my spandex for real clothes and step into the outside world is something I’m unlikely to pass up.
However, returning home often feels like embarking on an exhilarating yet bewildering treasure hunt. I can never quite fathom how things spiral into chaos when Dad is in charge, but I’ve come across some truly bizarre findings after his time with the kids.
Here’s a list of my latest “discoveries” after Dad’s solo parenting session:
- Both children are dressed—a pleasant surprise—but all their clothes are either inside-out or two sizes too small. Strangely, no one seems to mind. They’re going about their day as if this is perfectly normal. Spoiler alert: it’s not.
- Three plastic balls are now bobbing in the toilet. I can only assume Dad was helping our toddler perfect his throwing skills, but it appears that the little one got a bit too adventurous.
- I found a pair of my underwear stuffed in the instant oatmeal box. How did my toddler even get into the pantry? I’ll never understand.
- One of my toddler’s green high-top sneakers is chilling next to the milk in the fridge, complete with a crumpled tissue inside. The mystery deepens.
- A small, folded dirty diaper is hidden under the couch—its odor is anything but subtle. We’ve been encouraging our son to help with the clean-up, but it seems he got sidetracked.
- The TV remote was malfunctioning, which I discovered was due to the fact that it was missing batteries. Apparently, someone decided to “borrow” them while I was gone.
- While transferring baby clothes stained with vomit and breast milk to the washing machine, I stumbled upon a lime green truck, a red Corvette, and an orange Porsche—tiny model cars, mind you. I’m fairly certain my husband wasn’t attempting laundry, so who could it be?
- As I reached for an apple in the fridge, I noticed that someone with a tiny mouth had taken bites out of all of them. There’s also an orange that appears to bear a bite mark. My toddler must have tried and failed at the tougher fruit.
- While changing into my workout clothes (that I fully intend to wear solely for lounging), I came across a package of thick-cut smoked hickory bacon nestled among my sports bras. I don’t even know how to process this one.
- Inside one shoe, I discovered a bright blue Easter egg filled with what looked like half a Chick-fil-A grilled chicken nugget. This must be my firstborn’s unique take on “surprise eggs.” If you’re not familiar with this concept, check out YouTube—you won’t regret it.
- Pretend food has been randomly “hidden” throughout the living room, often in candle holders and lanterns. One plastic bagel was even stuck to the wall with what appears to be hot-pink Play-Doh. Where, oh where, was my husband during all this chaos?
While I am grateful for my moments of freedom, these unexpected surprises leave me pondering where my partner was during this mayhem. Was he busy researching vintage cars, working, or playing video games? Or was he right there alongside our son, encouraging this delightful mischief? I’d wager it’s the latter. They’re both a handful.
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In summary, when Dad takes the reins with the kids, expect the unexpected. From clothing mishaps to unusual items found in strange places, it’s a wild ride filled with surprises that keep life interesting.