“Don’t you have to prioritize yourself first?” This was my almost eight-year-old’s response when I mentioned that I always think of him before anything else. “You tell me all the time that loving yourself is the most important thing,” my son remarked. “So, why don’t you put yourself first?”
I appreciate these teachable moments with my child, especially after a week where I hadn’t even considered my own needs within my top five priorities. “Yes, you should always love yourself and ensure you are a priority. Not everyone will look out for your best interests, but that changes when you become a parent. I have to think of you first, and I want to!”
“But who thinks of you?” His questions leave me pondering my own choices. It’s as if he’s a wise old sage in a second-grader’s body. He has a knack for recalling my life lessons at the most unexpected times, and it turns out, he’s always paying attention.
In these moments, I’m grateful for the time I spend instilling these lessons in him, even if I sometimes wish I had better answers to his insightful follow-up inquiries. The last few months have been dedicated to prioritizing my health and happiness—not just for my family, but for myself as well. I’ve been mindful about preparing nutritious meals and carving out time for workouts. I no longer feel guilty about taking thirty to forty-five minutes for myself each day. Listening to my body and mind about when to take breaks has made me a better mother, wife, and person overall.
Yet, despite this progress, I still struggle to make myself a priority. My workouts often take place at 10 p.m., and sometimes I sacrifice sleep. I frequently cancel activities that I would have liked to do. Explaining this to my son is challenging. It’s part of being a parent, and one day he might find himself in the same position with his partner or children.
I want my son to recognize that self-care is essential. As a Black boy in this society, he needs to understand the importance of prioritizing himself—neglecting that can have serious consequences. He must learn that loving himself is the cornerstone to happiness, which enables him to support others without compromising his own needs. But maintaining that balance is a constant challenge. To a child focused on friendships and dreams of the NBA, the idea of loving others more than oneself can be complex.
I hope to be a positive role model for him. I want him to see that I value myself and understand the necessity of prioritizing my own wellbeing. I also hope he realizes that I would gladly sacrifice anything to ensure he lives a life full of joy and fulfillment.
“Mom, you can go back to your book club,” he said one day.
“What? Book club? I haven’t gone in years!”
“I know. I was sad when you stopped going at night. But I heard Clara say they’d love to have you back. I’m fine with you going now.”
Those workouts will happen, even if they start at 10:30 p.m. And those nights out will return, even if it takes a couple of years.
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In summary, my son has taught me invaluable lessons about self-care and the importance of balancing personal needs with family responsibilities. His wisdom reminds me that prioritizing oneself is essential, not only for personal happiness but also for the wellbeing of those we love.