“Hey, we’re all meeting downtown for brunch at 11 on Sunday and then planning to shop a bit. Want to join?”
This is how many of my conversations with friends begin. They arrange babysitters, clear their schedules, and prepare for a day of indulgence and spending. While my friends aren’t affluent, they have the means to enjoy a good sale or splurge at those home parties where neighborhood moms showcase their latest finds.
I, however, have to politely decline these enticing invitations. It’s not that I don’t want to participate; I’d love to, but my financial situation simply doesn’t allow it. “Oh, that sounds amazing, but I have to help my daughter with her science project,” I say, fabricating an excuse to save face.
The truth is, I can’t join because I just settled the bills, and the leftover funds are just enough for gas and groceries for the week. Although my friends wouldn’t judge me if I revealed the truth about my finances, it would undoubtedly create an awkward atmosphere if my typical response to any invitation that involves spending money was, “Sorry, can’t. I’m strapped for cash.”
Money is an uncomfortable topic that most people avoid discussing. My mother always said there are three subjects to steer clear of: money, religion, and politics. Engage in any of those, and you risk offending someone nearby. While I’ve never shied away from discussing politics, I’ve always adhered to my mom’s advice regarding personal financial matters. Yet, in striving for a more inclusive and equitable life, it’s essential to confront the hard truths we face daily.
In the spirit of openness, I’m sharing what it’s like to be the financially challenged friend because I know I’m not alone. Many of us are navigating similar struggles while feeling guilty for declining invitations to social outings.
Missing Out on Opportunities
Being the underfunded friend means missing out on travel opportunities. I watch my online friends book flights and accommodations, excitedly planning summer reunions, and it breaks my heart that I can’t afford to join in.
It also means forgoing manicures, skipping girls’ nights out, and being “busy” on occasions when I can’t afford to participate in happy hour after work. With bills piling up, the choice between feeding my family and treating myself to freshly done nails is an easy one.
Being broke means explaining to my kids why we can’t visit Disneyland while their friends do. It’s a constant effort to promote “staycations” that are budget-friendly, like our annual backyard camping trips.
It also means not experiencing the much-loved pastime of weekend trips to Target or indulging in a Starbucks run for a caffeine boost. I can’t relate to the joy of intending to buy only essentials, only to leave with a cart full of unexpected items. I tried “drunk and Prime” once during the holidays but had to quickly cancel my orders to avoid overdrawing my account while trying to make my kids’ Christmas special.
Resourcefulness in Financial Constraints
Living with limited funds means constantly thinking about money in a way that’s both efficient and anxiety-inducing. I meticulously read unit prices, create weekly budgets, hunt for discounts, and clip coupons. Every decision revolves around what I can cut from our grocery list to save a few dollars. Sticking to my meal plan is critical, or we risk running out of food.
Being broke has made me resourceful in the kitchen. I can buy a whole chicken, roast it for dinner, use the leftover meat for sandwiches, and turn the bones into stock for soup.
While I’m grateful for what I have and the fact that our basic needs are met, I sometimes long for the luxury of splurging on something frivolous, like brunch with friends. Life can be tough, and parenting often feels even more challenging when finances are tight. But for now, this is my reality: I’m financially constrained, not a bad friend or person, just a mom prioritizing my family’s needs—even if that means crafting a little white lie to decline your kind invitations.
Additional Resources
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Summary
The experience of being the financially constrained friend involves navigating social situations where the lack of disposable income leads to difficult choices, feelings of exclusion, and the necessity of resourcefulness. While acknowledging the challenges, the author emphasizes that financial limitations don’t equate to being a bad friend, but rather reflect prioritizing family needs.