It had been quite a week. My toddler, Emma, just 18 months, woke up one morning with her first stomach flu. Until then, she was the picture of health, and I thought a minor virus was finally catching up with her. She had a couple of rough days filled with vomiting, but eventually, she started to recover. I thought, “Thank goodness! Now we can get back to our normal routine.”
Little did I know how mistaken I was.
The very next day, I woke up feeling queasy myself. What followed was an agonizing day of nausea that kept me in bed for hours. Finally managing to get up, I was sipping ginger ale while Emma played with the moisture on the glass. Suddenly, her gaze became blank, as if she was looking right through me. Then, in what felt like slow motion, she fell backward.
Confused, I rushed to pick her up and discovered she was seizing.
Panic surged through me as I shouted for my partner, Mike, to call for help. I held her tightly as her body convulsed, her eyes rolled back, and her breathing became erratic. She was completely unresponsive, making gurgling sounds that echoed my fears. Mike was on the phone, relaying our address to the emergency operator while I desperately urged them to hurry.
That was the most terrifying moment of my life. After what felt like an eternity, Emma finally stopped shaking and fell into a deep sleep in my arms. We both cried, overwhelmed with relief and fear.
“This must have been a febrile seizure, right?” I asked Mike, recalling that they’re common in toddlers with fevers. Surely, that was the explanation.
At the hospital, however, Emma began to scream and, between her cries, seemed to have what looked like absence seizures. Yet, there was no fever to be found.
Months have passed since that day. We’ve experienced another grand mal seizure, two normal EEGs, and countless absence seizures, yet we remain in a state of uncertainty without a proper diagnosis.
I always thought my child would be immune to such issues, especially since she had been so healthy before that week. Now, I find myself navigating the complexities of a child with significant health challenges. Nothing can truly prepare you for witnessing your child seize in your arms, nor for the endless tests, medications, and hospital visits that follow.
At night, I lie awake, consumed by worry. I dread the thought of another seizure. I agonize over the tests that lie ahead and the answers they may or may not provide. What does the future hold for her? Will she eventually outgrow these seizures? Are they the reason for her speech delays? What long-term effects will her current medication have? Will we ever find the answers we seek?
The truth is, I don’t have any of those answers. There’s so much uncertainty that may never resolve. However, what I do know is that Emma is incredibly resilient and brave. I often wish I could channel even half her tenacity. She has a fierce spirit that, while challenging during her toddler years, will undoubtedly serve her well as she grows. She is a tiny warrior destined to overcome every hurdle life throws her way. I can’t wait to see the remarkable person she’ll become. Seizures won’t define her.
In the meantime, I will continue to worry, wait, and advocate for her. I’ll do everything in my power to seek the answers to my many questions. I will take it one day at a time, drawing inspiration from her strength and being the fierce mom she needs me to be. For those interested in supporting their parenting journey, check out this blog post about home insemination kits.
In addition, for anyone dealing with endometriosis and related issues, this resource is invaluable. And if you’re navigating pregnancy, March of Dimes provides excellent support.
Summary
Living with a child who experiences seizures is a harrowing journey filled with uncertainty and fear. As a mother, the experience forces you to confront your worries while advocating for your child’s health and well-being. Despite the challenges, the strength and resilience of your child can inspire you to face the future with hope.