New mothers often find themselves judged by their child’s sleep patterns, eating habits, developmental milestones, cleanliness, and behavior in social settings. I can relate because I used to think my kids’ performance in these areas was a reflection of my parenting skills, like some sort of motherhood report card. If they hit all these milestones when they were “supposed” to (which, let’s be honest, varies for every child), I would have felt like a parenting superstar.
But when you take a moment to reflect on who is really doing the grading, do you honestly care about their opinions? Probably not.
I didn’t completely derail my kids with my constant worrying and rigid schedules. Sure, I may have stressed them out by chasing them around to ensure they were clean whenever we had company, but they turned out fine. My daughter still remembers how I used to follow her with a hairbrush, trying to tame her wild morning hair, even though she detested it.
Now, with a teenager and two preteens in my home, I’ve realized that I would have benefited from a much more relaxed approach. If I could revisit those early years, I would seize the opportunity to let go of the anxiety over trivial matters, such as:
1. Their Eating and Sleeping Habits
If we weren’t home by 11:02 AM to adhere to my naptime schedule, I would tense up. While routines are essential, it’s crucial to recognize when to ease up. A frazzled mother often leads to frazzled kids. Trust me—stressed kids struggle with eating, sleeping, and even basic digestion.
2. Their Cleanliness
I used to panic if my kids fell asleep in their high chairs. What was I thinking? I could have easily done the same! I insisted on bathing them, slathering them with lotion, and dressing them in fresh clothes before bed, but guess what? They often didn’t sleep. They were ready for a party instead! Meanwhile, I was left exhausted and crying in the corner.
3. The State of My Home
I always wanted my house to be spotless for unexpected visitors or impromptu playdates. Rarely did anyone drop by unannounced, but when they did, it felt like a tornado had hit my living room. I should have focused more on enjoying time with friends instead of obsessing over cleanliness.
4. Their Outfits
With three kids born close together and my love for fashion, I was determined to dress them in matching outfits. However, they despised it from day one. What baby wants to wear sunglasses and shoes? My energy would have been better spent on more meaningful activities.
5. Their Diet
I committed to nursing and then painstakingly preparing organic meals for my children, but it took a toll. Now, they sneak sugary cereals and munch on stale candy from the car. While it’s important to be mindful of nutrition, don’t stress if you occasionally serve something quick. A bowl of Fruit Loops can be a small victory that grants you a moment of peace.
From my experience as a mom who has navigated these challenges three times, I have regrets about how I managed situations. I would have benefited greatly from simply relaxing. And I’m sure my kids would have appreciated it too. For the record, I still don’t regret the sunglasses; they were adorable.
So, to all the new moms out there, it’s perfectly fine to deviate from your schedule now and then. Allow yourself to take a break from the routine, even if it means skipping bath time or having a moment of rest while eating dinner. I understand if you choose to ignore this advice, as I likely would have done the same when I was in your shoes.
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Summary:
Reflecting on my parenting journey, I realize I would change my approach to several aspects of motherhood, such as my children’s eating and sleeping habits, their cleanliness, the state of my home, their outfits, and their diets. I often stressed over trivial matters that didn’t warrant the anxiety, and I’ve learned that a relaxed attitude would have benefited both me and my kids. It’s important to let go of perfection and embrace the chaos of parenting.