At nine months old, I sensed something was different about my son, Noah. By 17 months, I took the initiative to enroll him in feeding therapy, followed closely by early intervention services. In those early days, I was often met with reassurances such as, “He’s just a boy,” or “He’ll catch up eventually.” However, as a nurse and a mother, I felt a deeper truth stirring within me.
Now, as Noah approaches his fourth birthday, I’ve been on this journey as a mother for just as long. Noah was diagnosed with autism shortly after his second birthday. I may not be a seasoned expert in the realm of special needs parenting, but I believe I’ve gained valuable insights along the way.
Our family’s life is built upon four essential pillars that serve as our foundation for growth, learning, and love.
1. Breathe
It’s intriguing how often we are told to breathe. During labor, we’re coached to breathe deeply, and then we eagerly await that first breath from our newborn. But what happens once you receive your child’s autism diagnosis?
Breathe. Cry. Breathe again. Allow yourself the time to feel whatever emotions arise after the diagnosis. It’s a journey of grief that may linger longer than expected. I still find myself grappling with moments of sadness.
As a mother to both Noah and his neurotypical younger brother, I often find myself reflecting on the stark differences in their development. I sometimes struggle to celebrate my younger son’s milestones, as I grapple with the reality that life may always be more challenging for Noah. In those moments of grief, I remind myself to breathe.
2. Understanding the Struggles of Autism
While I find aspects of autism challenging for myself, I know it’s even more difficult for my son. He is non-verbal, which complicates his ability to express his needs. There are moments when my frustration surfaces as I try to decipher his non-verbal cues. As I write this, I feel a wave of embarrassment for my impatience. I can only imagine the struggles Noah faces trying to communicate his feelings and needs.
That meltdown that pushed me to my limits? I wasn’t the one overwhelmed by sensory overload or frustration. Noah experiences all of this simultaneously.
3. Embrace the Process
Every step of this journey unfolds as a process. From evaluations to waiting lists for services, every aspect takes time. Watching your child grow and learn is an ongoing process. Embrace it; it will ease some of the burdens you carry.
A fellow mother recently sought my advice on feeding therapy. I proudly shared that Noah had graduated from it but reminded her that progress can be slow. For nearly two years, Noah struggled with feeding, initially unable to progress from stage one baby food. At 17 months, it became a behavioral challenge, where he would gag and make himself sick at the sight of food. Today, he can enjoy pizza and cake at birthday parties alongside other kids. When I see him happily eating at the dinner table, my heart swells with joy.
The journey to this point has been a process, but it’s one worth undertaking.
4. Cherish the Parent-Child Relationship
Sometimes, I feel like I’m on a chaotic ride through Willy Wonka’s factory, navigating a dark tunnel filled with flashing distractions. In my case, the tunnel represents autism, with various therapies like ABA, speech, OT, and PT swirling around me. Amidst this whirlwind, I often miss out on simply being a parent.
I crave moments when Noah and his brother play and laugh together. I refuse to let the busyness of appointments and evaluations rob me of these precious experiences.
As my day concludes, I return to where it all began—breathing. I listen to Noah’s gentle breaths while he sleeps. In those quiet moments, I find clarity and appreciation, wondering what dreams fill his mind.
For those navigating similar paths, remember to take a moment for yourself. Explore resources on pregnancy and home insemination, like those provided by the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development. You can also find community support and ideas on how to enhance fertility at Make A Mom or discover heartfelt stories that resonate, such as this new mom’s reaction upon finding out she’s having a boy.
In summary, embracing the journey of parenting a child with special needs is filled with challenges, processes, and precious moments. Allow yourself to breathe, understand the difficulties, cherish your child, and celebrate every milestone—no matter how small.