In a quiet corner of the rink, I overheard whispers. A seven-year-old boy, clad in his full hockey gear, pressed his helmet against the glass doors, waiting for someone to pick him up. “His mom is never around, poor kid,” one voice murmured. “If I could find his bag, I’d help him get changed,” came the reply.
Parenting is a relentless juggling act, isn’t it? Navigating schedules for hockey practices, football games, and dance rehearsals. Remembering to bring a cardboard box for the school project, to buy Valentine’s cards for the upcoming party, and to sign those permission slips. Rushing to the store for a birthday gift the day before your son’s friend’s party. Packing the right snacks for school and ensuring your daughter has the appropriate dance shoes for competitions. It’s all about managing the chaos of drop-offs and pick-ups to ensure your kids are never the last ones left behind.
Everyone’s hustle is unique, shaped by their individual circumstances and responsibilities. I felt a pang of empathy as I listened to those moms at the rink, recalling the many times I’ve been that absent parent. The times I’ve missed picking up my daughter from dance or couldn’t attend my son’s football game. The moments I nearly missed my three-year-old’s first daycare event, scrambling to be there.
However, I want to clarify something important: my physical absence doesn’t reflect my level of care. Although I may not be present at every event, I am there in spirit. I packed my daughter’s dance bag with snacks and ensured she had all her shoes ready. I prepared my son’s football gear, from his mouthguard to his jersey, long before I left for work. I get their things ready, even when I can’t join them for dinner. Boots, coats, hats, and gloves are all laid out, making their mornings easier.
My absence doesn’t diminish my love or commitment to my children. Our families come in all shapes and sizes; we can’t judge one another solely on appearances. Life can be busy with jobs, aging parents, friends, spouses, or single parenting. Each family’s “circus” has its own set of challenges.
Recently, while in Whistler, Canada, with my husband—he was chairing a conference, and I was enjoying some skiing—I encountered a friend who asked if this was my first time leaving my kids for an extended period. I explained that it wasn’t, and while I felt emotions like guilt and anxiety about being away, I also experienced joy and anticipation for the time spent with my husband and friends. I believe it’s vital for children to understand that life doesn’t solely revolve around them. I love them dearly, but I’m also dedicated to nurturing other aspects of my life that contribute to my overall well-being.
Sometimes, obligations are unavoidable. I must work when required, but prioritizing a night out or a weekend getaway can be essential. My life revolves around my children, but it also includes showing them the strength of my identity and reminding them of the wider world.
I believe we all strive to be the best parents we can be. Sometimes, this means arriving late due to another commitment or relying on a babysitter for dance practice when work calls. It might mean taking a weekend to focus on our marriages or volunteering at a school event. The essence is that being an absent parent doesn’t equate to failing. I recognize that struggle all too well. To all the MIA parents out there, I see you. Your efforts, whether in a well-fitted hockey helmet or a packed dance bag, are evident. You are doing your best, and that’s more than enough.
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Summary:
The article explores the challenges and realities of being an “MIA” parent, emphasizing that physical absence does not equate to a lack of care. It discusses the juggling act of parenting, the importance of managing responsibilities, and the need for self-care and personal fulfillment. The author highlights that every family’s situation is unique, and the efforts made by parents, even when they cannot be physically present, reflect their love and commitment.