One day, while hanging out in our basement and playing catch with a big red ball, my 11-year-old suddenly asked, “Mom, what’s the Playboy Mansion?” I was so taken aback that the ball hit me square in the face. We had just been discussing his upcoming 6th-grade Spanish quiz, and now he was asking about a notorious pop-culture landmark from the past.
In our household, no topic is off-limits. Sure, I might sidestep questions that invade my privacy—like “Mom, how old were you when you first had sex?”—or narrow down my responses to complex issues like abortion. However, my guiding principle (and the advice emphasized by child psychologists) is to always be truthful and not shy away from tough queries.
To tackle this question, I first needed to understand its origin. I asked him, “Where did you hear about the Playboy Mansion?” He explained that he had seen it in a show about the Lakers, which he had deemed inappropriate. Just a heads up: I wouldn’t recommend that show for an eleven-year-old.
Now that I knew the context, I focused on how to answer without lecturing. I started by mentioning Hugh Hefner, who founded the magazine Playboy (just to clarify, he passed away in 2017). I wanted to ensure he understood the terminology, so I asked, “Have you ever heard of Playboy?” His reply surprised me: “It’s like porn, but in a magazine, right?” This response highlighted the shift in how kids today view pornography compared to previous generations, where it was more about magazines or hidden VHS tapes. Nowadays, access to porn is just a click away for anyone with an electronic device.
Since my son is also around the average age of first exposure to pornography, I’ve discussed it with him before. It’s vital that he hears about these topics from me instead of from friends or the internet.
With Playboy contextualized, we delved deeper into the Playboy Mansion itself. I explained that it was a residence in Los Angeles where Hefner lived with several women who were often his girlfriends, and that he hosted extravagant parties. Despite its allure to many, particularly men, I made sure to emphasize that it was a troubling environment filled with misogyny.
I checked in to see if he grasped that term: “Do you know what misogyny means?” He answered, “Is it when men think they’re better than women?” I was both proud and saddened that he had some understanding of this concept. I elaborated on his definition, explaining that it comes from a Greek term referring to men who harbor hatred for women.
Then, in a moment that caught me off guard, he asked, “Did they rape the women in the Playboy Mansion?” I had to take a breath, as this was a tough question. While we had touched on the subject of rape before, I realized he had connected it to the concept of misogyny all on his own.
His follow-up helped clarify why he had asked about the Playboy Mansion in the first place: he seemed to sense that it wasn’t a safe or fair environment for women, and he was troubled by what he had seen in the show. I replied honestly, “I can’t say for sure, but it was definitely not a good place for women.” He nodded, and we resumed playing catch, with me catching the ball this time.
Although I wish he hadn’t seen the show that sparked this conversation, I was grateful it opened the door to a discussion about complex topics rooted in honesty and trust.
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Summary:
In a candid conversation with my 11-year-old, I navigated the complexities surrounding the Playboy Mansion, its founder, and the societal issues tied to it, including misogyny. We discussed the evolution of pornography and the importance of open dialogue about sensitive topics, highlighting the need for honest communication in parenting.