I remember a conversation with a friend named Sarah, whose mother was facing a concerning breast lump. Sarah passionately declared that she would refuse chemotherapy if it were her. She believed she could simply alter her diet, practice yoga, and wait it out. Her perspective seemed to treat cancer as a minor inconvenience, not the life-altering challenge that it truly is.
Little did I know that three years later, I would find myself diagnosed with breast cancer at the age of 35. I never imagined I would be battling cancer—especially not as a mother of four with a writing career and a minivan.
I chose to keep my diagnosis private, mainly because I was faced with a critical decision. Should I undergo a lumpectomy followed by six weeks of radiation and regular MRIs, or should I take the more radical route of a bilateral mastectomy to significantly lower the risk of recurrence? I only wanted input from my doctor, a few survivors I knew, and my partner—someone I trusted completely.
Ultimately, I opted for the bilateral mastectomy. It wasn’t until a few weeks post-surgery, after receiving my all-clear pathology report, that I felt ready to share my experience with friends and family. I had hoped that by revealing my diagnosis after the fact, I could sidestep unsolicited advice or ill-informed opinions.
I was mistaken.
In the aftermath of my surgery, I was physically drained. Simple tasks like moving my arms, getting out of bed, or showering felt monumental. I was reliant on others for everything, struggling with the intense pain and discomfort that came with recovery.
Cancer wasn’t merely a physical battle; the emotional weight lingered long after the cancer cells were gone. I often found myself in deep conversation with God, grappling with the question, “Why me?”
Amidst my vulnerability and hardship, I was blessed with immense support. Friends and family rallied around us, providing meals for six weeks and showering us with gifts, texts, and surprise visits. It was truly heartwarming.
However, I also encountered those who felt compelled to share their thoughts on my situation—conversations I wasn’t ready to have. One acquaintance mentioned, “If it were me, I would have just had them cut off too.” The thought was jarring. I could barely face my new reality, let alone discuss such drastic measures.
Another person remarked, “They’re just boobs.” While they might not be vital for survival, they held deeper significance. Breasts can symbolize femininity, nourish babies, and enhance intimate moments. It’s not just about physicality.
Someone suggested I explore natural remedies instead of listening to traditional medical advice. They proposed everything from vegan diets to chiropractic care. I couldn’t help but think that a bit of CBD oil and carrot sticks wouldn’t magically erase my cancer.
Even compliments about my strength during this ordeal felt misplaced. I didn’t want to be strong; I wanted to be free of cancer. Strength wasn’t a choice—it was a necessity. I had to confront surgery; there was no alternate route.
I had little tolerance for the pervasive pink ribbons that seemed to be everywhere. My surgery had occurred just before Breast Cancer Awareness Month, and those ribbons only served as reminders of my trauma.
It’s not anyone’s fault that I had cancer or that my healing process was challenging. There are still days when I fear transitioning from survivor back to patient. While I’ve grown stronger, I often fluctuate between feeling empowered and grappling with anger, sadness, and confusion.
I don’t need anyone’s opinions about my cancer journey; I’m still processing everything myself. My experience is mine to define, not for others to critique.
So, if you encounter someone like me—whether they’re actively battling breast cancer or have achieved survivor status—please refrain from offering unsolicited advice. Instead, affirm their choices and express your support. Grab their hand and stand beside them as they face this fight.
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Summary
Navigating breast cancer is a deeply personal journey, filled with both physical and emotional challenges. While support from loved ones can be invaluable, unsolicited advice often adds to the burden. It’s crucial to respect the individual’s experience and choices, offering affirmation rather than opinions.