One day, my children will likely inquire about how I knew their dad was the one for me. Perhaps they’ll read a fairy tale and dream of perfect love or watch a movie that sparks thoughts of their own first crushes and romantic moments. Eventually, they may find themselves standing on the brink of adulthood, contemplating the commitment of a lifetime with someone special.
When that time comes, I will respond with honesty, adapting my words to fit their age and readiness for a genuine conversation. I hope to instill in them a belief in something that can often be hard to trust. This perspective stems from my own experiences of doubt during the early days of my relationship with my husband, shaped more by my past dating history than by his character.
I remember those initial months together, when he surprised me with a collection of my favorite romantic comedies—a thoughtful gesture learned through our many conversations. In return, I shared a piece of my guarded heart, expressing my love for him but clarifying that it wasn’t unconditional. I even laid out the specific conditions under which my affection might falter, all over a candlelit dinner on Valentine’s Day.
I believe that candid discussions about love are crucial, both with our children and within ourselves. Love can manifest in grand gestures, romantic dinners, and beautiful flowers, but those moments are often misleading. It’s easy to feel affection when everything seems perfect, and my husband certainly excels at those moments. However, that’s not where I’ll focus my lessons for my children.
True love emerges during the challenging times—the moments of loss, sadness, and heartbreak. It’s in those instances when we seek comfort from those we care about most. Ironically, those struggles can also evoke a strong declaration of love, as we find solace in our partners. I have experienced love during my darkest hours, and it has carried me through. Yet, I realize those aren’t the defining moments of my marriage as I once thought they would be.
The love I want to tell my children about is found in the ordinary moments of daily life. It’s the love that motivates my husband to bring me a glass of water every night before bed, knowing that I’ll be nursing our baby through the night. It’s the love that leads him to tell our kids, “Mommy is the smart one,” ensuring they know how much he admires me. It’s the love that wraps around him when he accidentally fumbles a compliment, saying something like, “She doesn’t look that young, just a different kind of young.” It’s that love that persists even when we argue in front of our children, showing them that love means disagreeing respectfully and moving forward.
These moments create a collage of experiences, a series of conversations, and an accumulation of small acts. That’s how I truly know. Yet, to provide my children with a memorable anecdote about love, I’ll recount a particular moment from last weekend.
My husband is a fun-loving guy, and we enjoy socializing together, but he’s not exactly a “dress-up” type. In contrast, I’ve always embraced themed events, even going all out for Pi Day celebrations in various costumes. So when an opportunity arose to attend an ’80s party, I was beyond excited, planning my outfit for weeks. I didn’t even think to ask my husband about his costume because I assumed he wouldn’t be interested.
Imagine my surprise when, on the night of the party, he casually suggested shaving off his beard to sport a mustache instead. Not wanting to pressure him, I said he could do whatever he liked. “No, I’ll just trim,” he replied. I thought that was the end of it until I heard him exclaim, “Forget it!”
I turned around just in time to see him sporting the most ridiculous, creepy mustache I had ever seen. And in that moment, I realized how much I loved him. “This,” I said, laughing, “is why I married you—your dedication to a theme!”
One day, I will share this story with my kids. It’s not particularly grand or romantic but illustrates the essence of our relationship. After years of dating, marriage, and raising kids, it’s moments like these that remind me I married my best friend. This man, with his outrageous mustache, is willing to do anything to make me smile. I hope my children will find and create similar moments of joy in their own lives.
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In summary, love is best found in the small, everyday moments that reveal the depth of our relationships. It’s nurtured through kindness, laughter, and shared experiences.